a story
i'd like to share a story with you. make of it what you will.
several years ago, there was a guy i had bumped into at an asha meeting - a graduate student at berkeley, and more i shall not reveal. i was coordinating the berkeley chapter in those days, and found his emails to the list mostly uncalled for. shortly after, he spammed the asha list with an email that i then thought bizarre and unacceptable for tone and content (details omitted). most others thought so as well, accompanying me in expressing harsh, unforgiving criticism. the incident is long forgotten for most, i imagine. my mind has somehow dwelled on it in recent days. the incidents that stick out in our lives are often worth revisiting iteratively. with time and added wisdom, they offer a refreshing insight each time.
i don't know the details of what he did all these years and what he does now, but this unfortunate student was sent back to india shortly after he sent this mail i mention. there he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. the next few years, i recall hearing, were hard for him. about a year ago, he added me to his facebook list of friends. we haven't communicated directly, not that we'd ever shared a one-on-one interaction really, but today i had the chance to visit his personal blog (due - in fact - to the tragic turn of events in mumbai). and i was stunned.
not least because he openly acknowledged his battles with bipolar disorder. the insight and wisdom in his written thoughts was so immense. not only had he learned much from the lessons life had taught him, but here he was recording them, sharing them with the world so that others could learn from them as well. can a man's heart get any larger?
i am ashamed that i was ever so harshly critical of him. ashamed that i was too wary to add him as a facebook friend. ashamed that i was so quick to write off another human being, and one from whom i had so much to learn today. why does forgiveness come so hard to us sometimes? so the 'i' may find its fodder to declare itself superior? sigh.
several years ago, there was a guy i had bumped into at an asha meeting - a graduate student at berkeley, and more i shall not reveal. i was coordinating the berkeley chapter in those days, and found his emails to the list mostly uncalled for. shortly after, he spammed the asha list with an email that i then thought bizarre and unacceptable for tone and content (details omitted). most others thought so as well, accompanying me in expressing harsh, unforgiving criticism. the incident is long forgotten for most, i imagine. my mind has somehow dwelled on it in recent days. the incidents that stick out in our lives are often worth revisiting iteratively. with time and added wisdom, they offer a refreshing insight each time.
i don't know the details of what he did all these years and what he does now, but this unfortunate student was sent back to india shortly after he sent this mail i mention. there he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. the next few years, i recall hearing, were hard for him. about a year ago, he added me to his facebook list of friends. we haven't communicated directly, not that we'd ever shared a one-on-one interaction really, but today i had the chance to visit his personal blog (due - in fact - to the tragic turn of events in mumbai). and i was stunned.
not least because he openly acknowledged his battles with bipolar disorder. the insight and wisdom in his written thoughts was so immense. not only had he learned much from the lessons life had taught him, but here he was recording them, sharing them with the world so that others could learn from them as well. can a man's heart get any larger?
i am ashamed that i was ever so harshly critical of him. ashamed that i was too wary to add him as a facebook friend. ashamed that i was so quick to write off another human being, and one from whom i had so much to learn today. why does forgiveness come so hard to us sometimes? so the 'i' may find its fodder to declare itself superior? sigh.
1 comment:
thank you for sharing this story. so beautifully honest, insightful and humbling 'tis. it provides a really helpful frame of reference for understanding how perfectly incapable we are of judging what any other person's reality truly is...
it's interesting how such incidents can stay themselves so powerfully in our memory. how much they have to teach us! and how beautiful that this incident has resurfaced for you to find such new understanding, compassion and growth.
i am reminded of the Hidden Words:
O SON OF BEING!
How couldst thou forget thine own faults and busy thyself with the faults of others? Whoso doeth this is accursed of Me.
O SON OF MAN!
Breath not the sins of others so long as thou art thyself a sinner. Shouldst thou transgress this command, accursed wouldst thou be, and to this I bear witness.
O SON OF BEING!
Ascribe not to any soul that which thou wouldst not have ascribed to thee, and say not that which thou doest not. This is My command unto thee, do thou observe it.
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