goodbye, fall wednesdays!

i couldn't retire for the day before celebrating with you the demise of my last fall wednesday, blog. it was a busy day, completely packed in from 9am to 8pm, but finally it did come to an end. finished writing up a problem set early this morning, submitted it, then took a breather at bytes, went back for a lunch meeting at tresidder, attended 333a lecture (just two more to go, thank god), went to ideo for a field trip (which - by the way - was fantastic), rushed back to attend a treacherous seminar, and was finally done at 8. it was certainly a joyous end though, and n's being around made life seem a lot less painful. especially since she had so much work to do still :P. as for me, i'm taking the night off. just went for a long, meandering walk to take in some cool night air. i would absolutely love to snuggle into bed and read page 24 of shantaram. alas, i am fully aware that i shall have fallen asleep before the page is over.

(yawwwn)
g'night.

over

the break is over. sob. i guess there are other breaks on the horizon, so this is not a bad thing entirely. also, if this break never got over, how would i ever get home?! what a scary thought! so then glad i must be.

the last third of the break was awesome. friday was spent with a. the day started with tea and rusk, then the shopping center, spice hut in menlo park, the university art store, work at coupa, and finally dinner at cp (with a's best friends ;). saturday was a's birthday, and started again with tea and rusk. there was a surprise party to look forward to later in the evening, and it made the day most exciting :). a and i went for a walk in the evening, while the house filled itself up with a's friends. we returned (after getting lost in the wilderness and rushing back home) to find everyone quietly sitting around the living room, ready to scream "SURPRISE" when a entered. oh, what joy to pounce on an unsuspecting soul like that :D. it was the most successful surprise ever (that i can remember being pulled off :). dinner was at pasta?. (and boy, am i pleased to find that they custom-make risottos.)

since today was the last day of the break, and i had an essay submission tomorrow, it had to be ultra productive. after many many hours of work, i was done with my 3-page summary of a 100-page reading. the 100 pages were read early this morning. sigh. if only i were this productive every day. but i promise that every day until the 15th of december is going to be just this productive. or at least half. (starbucks is a great place to sit and work at, especially when you have good music and (almost) noise-canceling headphones.)

i'm ready to face the world tomorrow morning. world, are you ready to face me?

call me

i'd love to take your call, 'cos my phone has a new ringtone! it's the romeo and juliet prelude (i.e. dire straits). technology is beautiful. i can imagine no better way to be summoned to the phone than to hear my favorite guitar strumming in the world. no matter what mood i'm in, how i'm feeling... when i hear those chords, my heart smiles, and i feel perfectly in the mood to answer. anyone who adds a listen of romeo and juliet to my life deserves, at least, to be heard.

:) phone, i love you.

day 6

[first i must mourn the two-thirds of this break that are gone, forever. sob.]

today was a bright and sunny thanksgiving. i also went for my first hike, in years, with some dhwani folk. played "bang!" after eons, then attended the gcc thanksgiving dinner where i ate not-so-yummy pasta with marinara sauce. (lately, i've eaten little but pasta. dinner yesterday, picnic today, and then again at dinner.) a and i also went for our 3 point something walk, out in the chilly evening. california ave was completely deserted - i hope because everyone was spending quality time with their families.

montebello was terrific. i'd forgotten how wonderful it felt to be in the woods, to lose oneself in nature and its beauty, and to return to reality with renewed peace of mind. there may exist grander views, and more scenic trails, but the package deal of picnicking, hiking, breathing fresh green air, taking photos to heart's content, and partaking of good company, is priceless. (photos have been duly uploaded.)

oh, and i finished my 507-piece horsey jigsaw, with a little help from my friends :). primarily because i couldn't possibly sit in my living room with an excuse of an unfinished jigsaw to come in the way of work. now the only distractions in my living room are the sight of the puzzle, the mess that needs clearing, the music system, the warmth and comfort, and potential eatables in the fridge of the kitchen :). one less distraction, though, must be celebrated :).

for thanksgiving day, i am happy to have met some of the folk who make this world a special place. as for those i was unable to meet (and there are many), i'd like to thank them and the world for bringing them my way.

three more days... sigh.

today

is my nephew a's sixth birthday. he's in paris at this moment (talk about fancy celebrations), and i do not have a number to call him at. i did think of him, but thinking - unfortunately - is all i could do...

i thought of the day he was born, and then of the days before he was born. and the day my sister first told me that she was going to have a baby. ages have passed. i was in seattle that summer, and i have indelible memories of n carrying a, on the capilano suspension bridge in vancouver. the things that stick... i remember the day she called to tell me it was going to be a boy. she hadn't wanted to know, but my brother-in-law asked the doctor after the ultrasound. of course, he also shared the information with others - until n decided she didn't want to be the only one uninformed. and so i found out too, though i'd have been happier not to. (i'm reminded of the "didn't know if i would be an aunt or an uncle" joke... i knew i was going to be an aunt, don't worry.) n and i discussed how it would have been so lovely to have a little girl. but then, we both wanted the girl to have an older brother. this gave the boy purpose. ah, we liked. (lucky that the perfect little girl followed :).

a was the most beautiful, most charming baby, and i'm not just saying that. he continues to be a handsome, bonny young lad. if you've seen his pictures, you know i'm not lying. i may now be partial to my niece, but a was my sister's first child, and special to me in many ways. one of my aunts had written "now n will no longer be the youngest around the house" (not that i ever begrudged losing my place as youngest - here was someone i could boss over in later years :).

i was pleased out of my wits to have a baby to play with. "play with" is right, for i couldn't believe he was a fully functional human being at the time. on day 0, he was an amorphous mass. but on day 1, unlike most one-dayers, he was uber alert. we have a photo of him with his eyes wide open, and you wouldn't believe he was born yesterday. but then again, he's always been ahead of his years.

i don't ever run out on nostalgia, and there are memories that still bring tears to my eyes. like the day i was leaving for stanford after a weekend, and a stood at the door to watch me leave... and didn't move until my car was out of sight, as the tears rolled down his eyes (thus mine). no parting has ever been so sad, and so needlessly so :), for i was very much around.

i also remember a time when i was at berkeley, breaking down in tears due to stress over classes and graduation and what-have-you, when he (at 10 months) was sensitive enough to comprehend my tears and hugged my knees as i stood and cried before n.

this is too much tear-talk already... i'll stop. the last six years have flown by. today, i see him less frequently :(. but whenever i do, i marvel at how intelligent a child he is, and how well-informed for his age. he knows things i still haven't learned. that may say something about me, true, but there's no question that he's a rock star. but perhaps, to me, he always will be a rock star.

happy birthday, rock star!

day 5

was as unproductive really, as days 1 through 4. i'm willing to forgive myself one last time.

p and i went to berkeley today, and i spent much time at brewed. drank the mocha, but the mugs had changed. the couches are the same though, with the "men, coffee, chocolate... the richer the better" cushion. i saw plenty of familiar faces - professors from first year c.s. courses, students i knew from days at berkeley and stanford... the breezeway was just the same, and i missed our lunches at varamai. p and i had makur pad for lunch, though the management there has changed. needless to say, i was nostalgic through and through. even as i parked at a broken meter (only to be slapped with a $30 ticket!). berkeley feels like home.

a and i walked campus drive today. it was excellent - invigorating and thought-provoking. brought to mind questions i do not know that i have answers to. food for thought.

and tomorrow is thanksgiving! dhwani has a little picnic in the morning (where i get to take pictures, yay), and at 4 i will attend the gcc thanksgiving dinner. after that, i promise to work super hard. giving thanks must not be rushed though, by any means.

happy thanksgiving, world! whether you're down in india or up in the mountains, i hope you have an awesome holiday :).

a limit to friendship?

something to think about. especially in relation to this.

p.s. thank you, echo!

go green!

i've been thinking of writing this post forever, but since gaurav did such a brilliant job, i can be lazy instead.

read.

a marathon task

(p and i were talking about it this morning, and it got me thinking...)

two and some years ago, i ran my first mile (with walk breaks, admittedly). at that point it was equivalent to conquering the world. asha was training folks for the 2005 marathons, and i signed up. i still remember my chat with my friend k (who had just recently witnessed my struggle through the b2b walk) on the day of my first tracks workout. i told him i was planning to train, and he smoothly transitioned to the next thread of conversation. when it was closer to 7, i told him i had to leave for the tracks. he was shocked to learn i was serious. in fact he rudely explained how he thought i was joking, given my performance at b2b. i am shocked too when i think back to how ambitious i was. i had run, perhaps, a total of 5 miles in life. basketball may have built some stamina, but that was 7 years ago...

that first workout was on the 22nd of may, '05. what followed were the 5 most motivated months of my life, thus far. better aware of my body's limitations, i now realize the distances that my mind was able to make it run. i don't doubt for a second that i wouldn't give up the experience for anything (... anything? maybe not ;), but i have realized over time that - like my discrete math (and turing award-winning) professor would say - "it is not for everyone". just as one needs the right vocal chords to sing opera, one needs the right body/muscle/tissue type to run long distances.

i no longer blindly encourage people to train for the 26.2. i ask people to be very very careful, to go for regular check-ups to the physical medicine specialist, and to cut back as soon as their body complains. injuries still happen, though. injuries that may last a long, long time. and who knows then - will it have been worth the while? at that point it better have been, because there isn't a choice.

i loved that i was able to run for the first time in my life. i loved that my asthma had ceased to be a limitation. i loved that first run down the stanford dish, though it was short and downhill. i loved every run that followed, and i remember each one. i soon reached a point where injuries kept me away from running, altogether. the next year when it came time to train, i had to drop out due to a hip injury. i ran three times after my marathon - 24th november '05, 21st december '05, and 29th march, '06 - when the pain was finally too much to bear. i wish i knew when i'll be able to run again, pain-free. perhaps if i had still been running a mile or two, i'd have been able to run sustainedly all this while. but perhaps so many things...

the ipod i would listen to my music on, as i ran, hasn't been touched since my marathon. in fact, i haven't even checked to see what songs are on it, lest i find the playlist i had programmed in for the big day. when i hear any of them in another context, i am transported to a world that feels alien to me now.

all this sounds sadder than i feel though, in truth. i am happy to share 'marathon bonds' with folks who know what i'm talking about. it's also the first time i found how powerful love and support can be, and what it means to be really able to lean on someone. i can't forget how i kissed my knees after my infinitely torturous 16-miler :). i now recognize the complexity of the human body better, and how many different parts of the body can (with so little effort) revolt to screw one's peace.

i still can't believe that i trained for and ran a marathon, in life, and every reminder is a constant source of confidence and encouragement. i display my medal conspicuously in the living room so that i never forget my realization then, that the possibilities are endless - there are no limits to what the mind can achieve.

is there a conclusion then? (or am i just rambling as usual?) i guess i'll end with saying - i won't push you to train for or run a marathon. if you decide to take on the task though, i'll be there to support you and encourage much as i know to. but please learn, along the way, to listen to your body. and whenever you need it, i'll be happy to say a little prayer for you.

ironically, they put a photo of me on the '06 and '07 publicity flyers :). considering how much i've run in the last couple of years, that's pretty funny :D. ok ok, back to econ!

day 4

is feeling the pains of getting back in the groove. i was productive in some ways today. smugmug has now been updated with photos taken in the last month. i also vacuumed (if that counts).

days are getting shorter, and it's dark before we know it. the good thing is, though, that nights last longer than expected. it's still dark even after dinner and walk, and not yet time to sleep. the last few days have seen long, satisfying walks. all the way down to college terrace and cal ave, then back up - college, el camino, serra, etc. yesterday was 3.3 miles and it didn't feel like much at all. our goal is to do 4 next.

the break feels so wonderful that i'd love for it to stay. unfortunately, assignments are soon going to be haunting my sleep. sometimes we wish time would stay, not move, and sometimes we want it to swiftly fly by. walking in memphis is such a masterpiece. siiigh.

(i feel like i'm getting boring as hell these days :(, and these posts have become boring, mundane diary entries. unfortunately, all other material is classified and may not be displayed here... so you'll just have to bear with, or give up.)

the food of love

life has revolved around my music system downstairs, ever since it was set up two days ago (that it's thanksgiving break does help). suddenly i seem to have all these cd's i haven't heard in ages. especially assorted ones that i am now rediscovering. people have been so kind to share their music with me over the years. it's a wonderful warm and fuzzy feeling to listen to it all.

thanksgiving break then is defined by these songs -

• walking in memphis - marc cohn
  
• someday out of the blue - elton john
• simple things - jim brickman
• don't stop me now - queen
• austin - shelton blake
• a matter of minutes - shawn colvin (though i can't find the cd)
• just like a woman - bob dylan
• one more day - diamond rio
• andrew lloyd webber's greatest hits
  

and more... a break could not be more beautiful.

siiiigh.

day 2

of thanksgiving break. it's cloudy outside but sunny inside - as i listen to cd's that haven't been touched for a while. alw made some great music. it's rare to listen to a cd and like every song that comes on. i can't wait to go home - just 4 more weeks! also, i went through paperwork and paid my bills weeks before they were due, so life - in all - feels most satisfying.

n sent out an article by shoba narayan titled "one family's journey to america and back". it made for highly evocative reading. the images that the article generates - about both the u.s. and india - are easily identified with, and make you feel right at home (admittedly more with one than the other). must read.

achievement

today was a productive day if there ever was one. my stuff is finally home, from g's and a's places. i can now see movies if and when i choose, and listen to my cd's in the living room. i can sit on my futon, and use my old dresser. also, i found my green jacket that i'd been hunting down for ages. home feels like home to me, finally. home with a little less walking space :o.

i don't want to go upstairs and sleep because the living space just feels too cosy. you have to see it to believe it ;).

grading woes

(if you're mrg, please don't read this)

the last few days have been grading hell. i would wake up and start grading, just as i would start other days with checking email. i would fall asleep grading, dreading another morning of grading... i would grade every free minute i could fit grading into during the day. it was tough. but i did get it done. 9 problems for 70 people over about 3-4 days, 15-17 hours.

i was also able to become pretty efficient at the process. for instance, instead of opening a file, grading it, closing it, and then opening the next, i started opening batches - a to c, d to h, i to m, and n to w, and then the html files (six in number). i also learnt how to gauge whether the student knew what s/he was talking about (somehow) by picking out five words out of fifty. i cannot guarantee 100% consistency, but i'd say i came close. (though perhaps that was 'cos most people got a 100% on most problems :P) there was tons of copy/pasting going on, and i became an expert at the apple+v, apple+s, apple+w sequence (that's paste (the grade), save, and close).

i have to say that the joy i felt when i sent the mail saying i was done with my part was entirely unparalleled. with 3 class presentations tomorrow, i was still quite in the mood to celebrate. did so with a 2 mile loop around escondido, discussing siblings and no siblings, and rear window. that was fun. indeed.

cute

tagline on radio ad:

the perfect memory for perfect memories

clock towers

i love clock towers. while at berkeley, i had resolved not to go to grad school that didn't have a clock tower. columbia didn't have one. i didn't go. :P

class starts at 1.15 but i'm here early. the clock just struck 1, and the bells rang their four little bars to say that it was the end of an hour. the sound is just out of the world.

the stanford walking club

yesterday, p, a, and i ventured out for a walk to compensate for the amazing pakodas that p made for us (that's p1 and p2). after a point, we were a little lost, but we continued to walk until we reached the top of a hill that gave us a glorious (and very distant) view of campus. hoover tower seemed so far away, that we decided to retrace our steps back home. google maps told us we had walked 1.4 miles out.

but it really didn't feel like 3 miles. not only was the walk invigorating (it was 48f/9c), it was lovely to walk by beautiful faculty housing, to realize that the earth was round, and to stop and smell the roses :). at one point we saw a bright spot in the sky and decided it was mars, because it looked kinda reddish. it was just a matter of time before we realized that it was only an airplane :(. we were even going to call a and ask him which planet it was. good thing we waited for it to move a fair distance.

there is something about conversations on a walk... perhaps because of the constantly changing surrounding environment, though at a pace that one can talk comfortably... topics of conversation change rapidly. things get introspective sometimes, casual and entertaining at other times, and are overall stimulating. it's also about sharing an experience we all find positive and desirable...

anyway, it was good fun. we're planning on doing this regularly, especially come thanksgiving break. if you'd like to join, ping me for an application.

how 'berkeley' am i?

berkeley today was a charming experience. the sun shone, over the sunday morning campus quiet, and brought to mind many moments spent in the sun generations ago. as i waited for m to appear, i retraced my steps to all those years when berkeley was it.

not surprisingly, i no longer think it is it. i must be fair to other contributors of 'it-ness' in my life. however, this post is not to question how special berkeley will always be (well, to me). it's about the life that exists off-campus.

as i drove from soda to viks, i took the same path i'd have taken eons ago - the much-disputed 'shortest path' that went down cedar all the way. the center of the universe was - at some point - cedar street (not for me, for people who drove me back then :). my surroundings felt very different from how they'd feel in palo alto. there is no element of elitism. it is, after all, berkeley. people are socially conscious, poorer in general, but working and hoping hard for a better world, if you know what i mean. this is not the 'feel' that the affluent and manicured lanes of palo alto generate in me, where i feel rather out of place and 'temporary'.

whether it's a function of berkeley vs. palo alto, or that of my deep-set berkeley-ness roots, i wonder. i'd love some perspective if you have some to share.

yay! it's diwaliiiii!

happy diwali, world!

i thought diwali was over, after the lunch, dinner, and puja yesterday. it's lovely to wake up to mom and dad wishing me diwali from home. i could imagine everything as it would be at home for diwali, just that i wouldn't be there :(. it was still lovely to hear about it though. after a point, pleasant thoughts are enough to make one feel warm and fuzzy inside :).

it's great to be around people who feel the same way about diwali. it was really quite awesome that everyone wanted to do lunch and dinner and puja yesterday. i do so wish that i could bring home here or take here home, but we achieved a fair approximation yesterday. may today be the same. and may all of you have a beautiful diwali once again.

chhoti diwali

today is chhoti diwali, and apparently deepavali in the south. (i almost wrote that sentence the other way round and then rediscovered my loyalties... :P)

well, no matter the day - i wish you all much peace and contentment in the coming year. and may you be joyful and prosperous all year long.

170?

gosh. when i think of the number of people i know in the world, i would think maybe 50, maybe 70, but not much more. i'm really off. there are 170 people on my friends list on facebook. now some of you may have a lot more and some of you may have a lot less and overall i don't believe it means much, but 170 is just a huge number. i mean, i could put them all in a classroom and i would need a really large classroom to fill. 170. sheesh! and to think this doesn't even include half my friends and family. well, i don't know about half, because i'm so off numbers right now, but a lot...

ok that's all. i'm over it. 170 is not that much. not if you consider that there are 18-20 people associated with my program, that there are about 18-25 people from dhwani, that there are hopefully 20-30 close friends i've accumulated over the years, that there are a few family members on there - perhaps 3-5, that i went to high school in two different places, and each place has at least 10 familiar faces. then the 5-8 folks i met over the summer. and then the 5-8 coworkers i have on my list. and oh, the friends of friends i've said hi to are probably 20-30.

nope, i'm still off. i give up. 170's just an unimaginably huge number.

so confused

there are so many siddharthas in this world, and it's so confusing. i just received mail from one, and felt the excitement i would feel to have received mail from a different siddhartha, but alas - it wasn't the one. some of them even have identical last names, and that makes things all the harder to track. for instance, i know a few siddhartha agarwals - one of them was a coworker, and one a family friend. i know neither of them all that well, and it is therefore impossible to know which one i am reading messages from. i think the world has enough siddharthas in it already, i think we should move on to newer, trendier names.

no offense, sid :).

and that could just be any sid i was referring to :).

and...

in case you happened to wonder - the reason i'm posting so many times within the space of a couple of hours is because i have a very difficult essay to finish before i go to bed, that is about 2/3rds done, and still awaits further analysis. make sense, yeah?!

oh, ego...

sometimes i wonder that we don't get completely bogged down by the weight of the ego that we must force ourselves to carry at all times.

(come to think of it - maybe that's what causes my back to ache...)

revelation

i feel embarrassed and ashamed to be such a link-o-phobe. i was looking for a reason to avoid checking out a link a friend just posted on my facebook wall, decided i had none, and clicked on it. it was beautiful. just like most links are, in fact. i have hope, then, that i might yet learn. in the meantime, you can check this out. it struck a chord. f major :).

The Green Finger

make it stick

today at the d.school, chip heath (professor at the gsb, stanford) gave a presentation on sticky ideas - on what makes them stick. it was a great presentation, though i've already read much of the book he wrote. we all discussed news stories that had struck a chord/conversation for us, and why. for the most part, it's because they are unexpected in nature. unexpected = crazy, though. our team came up with the britney story, from not too long ago. another group came up with a news item about the death of a politician in delhi on being attacked by monkeys. did this really happen? yet another was about a serial killer who went about killing 60 people because he was mad that he had lost his dog.

when you hear these kind of stories, and think about what's making them stick, you really wonder, don't you? :) it was sticky enough (for me) that pakistan's in a state of emergency. my group-mates didn't think so, but i guess they're not indian.

did you know that you only use 10% of your brain? well no, not really. it's an urban legend, but gosh - a good one, don't you think? 90% of our class had heard of it!

the stickiest story i could think of in the news was that of pluto losing planet status. it made me sad. that struck a chord.

f minor.

alarm-ing

there was much discussion on alarms today, and we came up with a design for the ideal alarm. alarmingly (please to excuse), the idea has been patented already - it is called a random offset alarm clock. life is so unfair. especially mine :P.

time changes today, and we fall back an hour. this means an extra hour to sleep, yayy! i will get to it soon, since tomorrow is a long day at the alma mater.

g'night.

perfect saturday

although saturdays are usually perfect (by definition in fact), today is particularly so because of the sun shining in its ample glory (outside and inside). we started the morning with much singing, in preparation for the big show this evening. stage rehearsal is in 1.5 hours, and it's nice to bask in the afternoon sunshine, listening to the radio. music is such a godsend really. life would be so depressing without.

week 6 is over.