on judging

i am tired of judging, and of seeing people judge. i am tired, most of all, of seeing myself judge another. i want it all to stop. what does judging do if not set apart, segregate, push us to greater distances from each other? right now, i want to defend everyone - my friends, my family - everyone i can think of. i want to defend them against every accusation that the world dares to send their way. so am i really saying that i want to defend the world from the world? is that not presumptuous? who am i to take that right, after all? in that, am i judging again?

it isn't easy. it isn't easy not to judge, to silently rule out cause for differentiation. not as long as the ego is alive. and so long as the ego is alive, so are we. and when the ego dies, do we die too? will i ever know?

i wish only to see things as they are - to shed every hairbreadth of distinction and embrace the heaven and hell of life alike. why is it so hard? what makes it so? is the hardness not just a construct of the mind? can i not demand the strength from you, my god? indeed, only so i may do as you desire, after all?

justice and mercy

just yesterday, a and i discussed the jung typology test (that we both took recently). a question in it asks if one values justice higher than mercy. i've been thinking about this for the past couple of days. i had answered no, but wondered how i'd arrived at that answer and if i could be sure. i came to a conclusion that in the personal realm, i.e. where the situation involved my personal stance on a matter involving another being, i valued mercy higher than justice. (there is also a question about what justice means in the personal realm in the first place.) however, when one enters the social sphere, where there are certain laws in place, certain rules that society would like us to conform to, i do value justice higher. that is, if person x steals my car, for instance, i consider it worthwhile to forgive x for doing so. if the law states that x be put in prison for a month for that act, then from the social perspective, i would wish for that law to be enforced. does dichotomizing one's values thus make sense? is there even a dichotomy? i will continue to ponder, but any thoughts are welcome.

as always, i consider it a divine coincidence that just as i wondered about justice and mercy, i unintentionally stumbled upon the following. thank you, n, for adding so much perspective to my life :). portia's speech to shylock in merchant of venice:

The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest: it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown;
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;
But mercy is above this sceptred sway;
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings,
It is an attribute to God himself;
And earthly power doth then show likest God's
When mercy seasons justice. Therefore, Jew,
Though justice be thy plea, consider this,
That, in the course of justice, none of us
Should see salvation: we do pray for mercy;
And that same prayer doth teach us all to render
The deeds of mercy.