on worry-free expression
i made a decision last wednesday when i spent some time thinking about singing, and how i was always too conscious, too uncomfortable, too afraid to sing before people. i know i'm not an excellent singer, but it's not about that - it's not about how well or not well i sing. it's about attaching myself to the fruit of my action, or not. it's about recognizing the root cause of fear and uprooting it, or not. it's really about recognizing that what's critical is to sing one's best and from one's heart. that as much as possible, may the best note and the best inspiration win. there the story ends.
my decision therefore was to never again fuss about singing, but to try to oblige to the best of my ability, no matter who asked. surprising indeed that as soon as i made this decision, i was tested four times in four days!
it is indeed liberating to not have to worry about 'what people think'. not to say that it isn't important for us to keep in mind what they will think, but that it is beyond our circle of influence to control what they will think. the best we can do is to be sensitive and thoughtful, act according to our dharma, and pray that it will not offend, without attaching worry to the same. remember hafiz's poem on purity?
and the same applies to my other art pursuits - photography and writing. i find that i no longer worry about how people react to my photos, to my posts. there is no great desire to impress, therefore there is no great fear of not impressing. there is, however, a great comfort that comes from honest expression, and a great desire to do justice within. but the latter falls in my circle of influence, and all is well with the world.
the moral, i think, is to scrutinize with a microscope the fears that lurk inside and to transform them by first identifying their root cause.
my decision therefore was to never again fuss about singing, but to try to oblige to the best of my ability, no matter who asked. surprising indeed that as soon as i made this decision, i was tested four times in four days!
it is indeed liberating to not have to worry about 'what people think'. not to say that it isn't important for us to keep in mind what they will think, but that it is beyond our circle of influence to control what they will think. the best we can do is to be sensitive and thoughtful, act according to our dharma, and pray that it will not offend, without attaching worry to the same. remember hafiz's poem on purity?
and the same applies to my other art pursuits - photography and writing. i find that i no longer worry about how people react to my photos, to my posts. there is no great desire to impress, therefore there is no great fear of not impressing. there is, however, a great comfort that comes from honest expression, and a great desire to do justice within. but the latter falls in my circle of influence, and all is well with the world.
the moral, i think, is to scrutinize with a microscope the fears that lurk inside and to transform them by first identifying their root cause.
2 comments:
hmm...so if someone were to ask you to dance, would you dance?
i think uprooting this particular fear should have been relatively easy (in my opinion :), given that you sing beautifully and people have always told you that you sing beautifully.
what about fears where you don't have that sort of confidence or feedback?
but that's why the fear of singing comes in. there is an expectation that i should sing well, cos i have - on occasions - sung well. that i try to sing, and actively pursue the art. that is what creates that feeling of consciousness.
as for dancing, there is no deeper fear. as i said, i dance like an idiot. but should someone's happiness depend on seeing me dance, i shall dance for them :).
perhaps i should make the distinction that this post is really about performance anxieties, where these anxieties manifest in different forms with different activities - writing, photography, etc.
i would paint if someone wanted me to, for instance, and with abandon, because there is no expectation that i will produce great art.
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