the day that was
it was a busy day, and there were many thoughts that passed through me hoping to be logged. not all may end up here tonight, but here's the short of it. an autobiographic account:
i had a reading response due today - a one-page paper, a response to the class readings. my writing of it reminded me of 11th grade unfortunately, when i would write aimlessly to fill the space (perhaps also thinking that i was doing a decent job). the last time i did this for a paper, i did really well on it. it's good to know that this need not happen each time.
hafiz, in a handful of poems, added many rainbows to my morning... but you know that already.
i also got back an assignment, graded a b. instead of being disappointed (and this is what is so bizarre these days) i smiled with divine confidence (for lack of a better name) that i would now put in far more effort to regain my lost stance. the guest lecture we had today was also quite something. the speaker was a first-year phd (like me) but so confident, engaging, dignified in her lecture, i was filled with admiration. her last slide ended with a lessons learned - don't be too touchy. take your work seriously, not yourself. what a wise thing to say. wisdom doesn't only come from books, i realize. i made sure i complimented e on how brilliantly she'd conducted herself. it is never a bad idea, i think, to tell people what you love about them.
at 2, i headed down to yali's on oxford. i had suggested meeting at milano or m.o. since they were familiar ground, but j stuck with yali's. so glad he did, because my walk there and back, and my stay there, were all fantastic. i couldn't help thinking - i never learn, do i?! i wish embracing the new came much more naturally to me... i am trying. after all, it always rewards.
as i walked in the bright and beautiful sunshine, i smiled at everyone i passed. i'm not accustomed to be smiled back at, for the most part, and i just go about my business. today however, a young lady (chicly dressed so perhaps not a student) returned my smile with full gusto. i looked away and immediately looked back, as i registered the smile. by this time she was passing by me and said, "that's a great haircut!" i was reeling from the encounter for several minutes after. no, not because i was complimented :), but for the open energy that she shared in that split second. i often think these things, and would like to say them, but something always gets the better of me. i will try harder next time, though.
the meeting with j was perhaps one of the most critical meetings i've had since i joined berkeley. serendipity again, believe it or not :). he asked me several pertinent questions, shared with me some of the lessons he had learned in the course of his phd, and gave me some useful pointers. i was left with a feeling of awe for him and a feeling of stupidity within :). i had fumbled with all of the questions that he'd asked. as i felt compelled to confess that i hadn't thought about many of these things before, i realized what an immense delight it was to be pointed to the gaping holes in my knowledge. all of a sudden, i had so many avenues of growth spring up on me. and this in a meeting with someone who isn't in my field of research, isn't at berkeley anymore, i hadn't met before, and may never see again!
i walked back to school with the most joyous feeling in my heart, thus. are all spring days just as sparkling? is it berkeley? or is life always thus, i just don't see it with the right eyes? as i walked up the stairs to the second floor, i ran into a face i did not know but spontaneously uttered a 'hi'. for the next 5 minutes, my heart sang 'i did it' :).
in class, a hornet appeared out of nowhere and found its way into the folds of my scarf (luckily, the scarf was not on me but on the desk) and my sunglasses (also on the desk). as i saw its 2-inch body, telling myself there was nothing to be afraid of, i witnessed a series of chills within. my breathing sped, i found myself wish for it to leave my vicinity, and then a voice told me to be calm, to accept. it was a struggle, and i was only able to maintain an outer calm with success. yes, avenues for growth are in plenty. in another 8-10 minutes, i heard a huge slam. a classmate had brought his shoe down on the hornet. it was dead. i felt numbed.
class was over early, and since the next kabir film was in 40 minutes, i found my way to the lawns outside vlsb, found a sunny spot, lay down, and read my hafiz the entire time. yes, those minutes were minutes of bliss. i wished i could buy several copies of the gift and gift it to all my loved ones. i would soon run myself bankrupt though, and that is sad :(. i'll do what i can here, however :).
the kabir film was something else. it will have a post of its own. for today i took notes.
unbelievably, it was still light out when i came out of the film. i asked a stranger what she thought of the film, and made pleasant conversation for a fulfilling few minutes. then, after a beautiful walk home, i broke my fast with satisfaction. i may not become a spiritual powerhouse in a day, but i certainly feel the progression with every successive day of fasting.
spring break is here, folks. i can't wait to finish the 8 books on my 'now reading' list.
and that will be all for now. over and out.
i had a reading response due today - a one-page paper, a response to the class readings. my writing of it reminded me of 11th grade unfortunately, when i would write aimlessly to fill the space (perhaps also thinking that i was doing a decent job). the last time i did this for a paper, i did really well on it. it's good to know that this need not happen each time.
hafiz, in a handful of poems, added many rainbows to my morning... but you know that already.
i also got back an assignment, graded a b. instead of being disappointed (and this is what is so bizarre these days) i smiled with divine confidence (for lack of a better name) that i would now put in far more effort to regain my lost stance. the guest lecture we had today was also quite something. the speaker was a first-year phd (like me) but so confident, engaging, dignified in her lecture, i was filled with admiration. her last slide ended with a lessons learned - don't be too touchy. take your work seriously, not yourself. what a wise thing to say. wisdom doesn't only come from books, i realize. i made sure i complimented e on how brilliantly she'd conducted herself. it is never a bad idea, i think, to tell people what you love about them.
at 2, i headed down to yali's on oxford. i had suggested meeting at milano or m.o. since they were familiar ground, but j stuck with yali's. so glad he did, because my walk there and back, and my stay there, were all fantastic. i couldn't help thinking - i never learn, do i?! i wish embracing the new came much more naturally to me... i am trying. after all, it always rewards.
as i walked in the bright and beautiful sunshine, i smiled at everyone i passed. i'm not accustomed to be smiled back at, for the most part, and i just go about my business. today however, a young lady (chicly dressed so perhaps not a student) returned my smile with full gusto. i looked away and immediately looked back, as i registered the smile. by this time she was passing by me and said, "that's a great haircut!" i was reeling from the encounter for several minutes after. no, not because i was complimented :), but for the open energy that she shared in that split second. i often think these things, and would like to say them, but something always gets the better of me. i will try harder next time, though.
the meeting with j was perhaps one of the most critical meetings i've had since i joined berkeley. serendipity again, believe it or not :). he asked me several pertinent questions, shared with me some of the lessons he had learned in the course of his phd, and gave me some useful pointers. i was left with a feeling of awe for him and a feeling of stupidity within :). i had fumbled with all of the questions that he'd asked. as i felt compelled to confess that i hadn't thought about many of these things before, i realized what an immense delight it was to be pointed to the gaping holes in my knowledge. all of a sudden, i had so many avenues of growth spring up on me. and this in a meeting with someone who isn't in my field of research, isn't at berkeley anymore, i hadn't met before, and may never see again!
i walked back to school with the most joyous feeling in my heart, thus. are all spring days just as sparkling? is it berkeley? or is life always thus, i just don't see it with the right eyes? as i walked up the stairs to the second floor, i ran into a face i did not know but spontaneously uttered a 'hi'. for the next 5 minutes, my heart sang 'i did it' :).
in class, a hornet appeared out of nowhere and found its way into the folds of my scarf (luckily, the scarf was not on me but on the desk) and my sunglasses (also on the desk). as i saw its 2-inch body, telling myself there was nothing to be afraid of, i witnessed a series of chills within. my breathing sped, i found myself wish for it to leave my vicinity, and then a voice told me to be calm, to accept. it was a struggle, and i was only able to maintain an outer calm with success. yes, avenues for growth are in plenty. in another 8-10 minutes, i heard a huge slam. a classmate had brought his shoe down on the hornet. it was dead. i felt numbed.
class was over early, and since the next kabir film was in 40 minutes, i found my way to the lawns outside vlsb, found a sunny spot, lay down, and read my hafiz the entire time. yes, those minutes were minutes of bliss. i wished i could buy several copies of the gift and gift it to all my loved ones. i would soon run myself bankrupt though, and that is sad :(. i'll do what i can here, however :).
the kabir film was something else. it will have a post of its own. for today i took notes.
unbelievably, it was still light out when i came out of the film. i asked a stranger what she thought of the film, and made pleasant conversation for a fulfilling few minutes. then, after a beautiful walk home, i broke my fast with satisfaction. i may not become a spiritual powerhouse in a day, but i certainly feel the progression with every successive day of fasting.
spring break is here, folks. i can't wait to finish the 8 books on my 'now reading' list.
and that will be all for now. over and out.
No comments:
Post a Comment