on detachment
the struggle to understand detachment has been long. also, it's one of those things that is oh, so easy to converse about, yet so hard to experience and truly understand the import of. a steady, ongoing effort it has been, nonetheless.
three years ago, i remember talking to a friend about 'missing' people when they were gone. i then found it strange and incomprehensible that he did not know what it meant to 'miss' a person. he was happy they were there, but not unhappy that they were gone. i don't know if i told him this, but i did judge him to be insensitive and unemotional then :). an immature idiot on multiple levels (me, not him - duh).
but today, i understood. it was a discrete jump, even, i would say. as i said bye to p&d today (for the summer), i realized that with all the love i felt for them, and with the gratitude for their being home to me away from home (in addition to the immense entertainment i derived from their presence), i was in a state of peace and contentment as i saw them drive away. strange that two years ago, my attachment to them was greater for lesser reason. and in that moment, it hit me, what it was like to love, to bid adieu, and not to miss. it was called acceptance.
how bizarre are these moments, when we find a starkly different self residing within. i still feel lightheaded from this discovery of a fundamentally alien being. it will take time to acclimate.
three years ago, i remember talking to a friend about 'missing' people when they were gone. i then found it strange and incomprehensible that he did not know what it meant to 'miss' a person. he was happy they were there, but not unhappy that they were gone. i don't know if i told him this, but i did judge him to be insensitive and unemotional then :). an immature idiot on multiple levels (me, not him - duh).
but today, i understood. it was a discrete jump, even, i would say. as i said bye to p&d today (for the summer), i realized that with all the love i felt for them, and with the gratitude for their being home to me away from home (in addition to the immense entertainment i derived from their presence), i was in a state of peace and contentment as i saw them drive away. strange that two years ago, my attachment to them was greater for lesser reason. and in that moment, it hit me, what it was like to love, to bid adieu, and not to miss. it was called acceptance.
how bizarre are these moments, when we find a starkly different self residing within. i still feel lightheaded from this discovery of a fundamentally alien being. it will take time to acclimate.
3 comments:
Hi
I like your writing. Many a times your writing are reflections of my ramblings. When I read I realise them- which otherwise are hard to express or acknowledge....
I liked your 'April' too becasue I never had a patience for poetry before so never experienced the beauty of it.
Cheers
thank you for visiting, grace. i find, increasingly, that we always do find our voices in the words of others, if we listen keenly enough...
please feel welcome to share your own reflections on the thoughts i post here.
thank you for visiting, grace. i find, increasingly, that we always do find our voices in the words of others, if we listen keenly enough...
please feel welcome to share your own reflections on the thoughts i post here.
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