nefeli breaks

these days, taking a walk in the crisp/cold afternoon has become a regular pastime. i step out of lab, walk along memorial glade and up to north gate hall, cross over to north-side and get myself a mocha from nefeli cafe. i then walk back over to north gate, walk over to the side where there are benches and a steep downslope (so that the sun shines through without any obstructions, apart from the winter clouds), and perch myself on the most sunlight-laden bench. i stare at the ground and drink my coffee, letting my mind still itself. when the coffee is done, and the mind is emptied, i walk back along the curvaceous route to south hall again. the air is fresh and cold, i am grateful that it does not rain (though i bet it can't be good for the environment), and campus is ever-charming. the entire experience comes packaged with considerable calm and beauty. i might even miss it while i am gone. especially nefeli and its abundant character.

i found, as i walked back today, that the last few months have been increasingly successful in bringing my mind to a natural state of calmness in little time. i can't say it's been smooth sailing all the way, but persistent effort toward achieving this calmness has borne fruit. no doubt i find that unexpected blows do come, and there are definitely times when i think "gosh, couldn't things just make sense for a change?", yet shortly enough (and the more i work hard at it, the sooner this becomes), i find that i am back to calm acceptance. until the next shock-wave comes along :).

no doubt it is a never-ending endeavor. no doubt the shock-waves will keep coming. but this calmness and steady-state of mind is getting rather addictive. and it brings with it enormous strength within to allow me to be who i want myself to be. this, by far, is the biggest reward of all.

yes, bear with me, this is all a note to self :).