love, a privilege

the following is excerpted from an email i wrote recently, in an effort to help a precious friend with a problem situation. i find these words apply just as well to me, and perhaps to many others as well, but how easy it is to forget the obvious! again, i record them with the hope that they will not vanish from my mind at a time that i may benefit most from them.

our pride, our egoic mind, all tend to cause too much strife in our lives. we don't realize it, but this mind seeks its individual identity, and in that we forget to focus on that which comes most naturally to us - which is to give, and to love. we do not need this ego, because truly - supreme happiness comes when we give of our love to other people - to our parents, our siblings, our friends, our significant others - everyone. the more we give of our love, the happier we feel, because it makes us complete within. indeed, i think that it is the natural tendency of every human being to give love. it is a privilege we mustn't deny our hearts.

yet, with giving of this love, our mind seeks another pleasure - which is to receive. because of its own greed, its own desires, it wants more and more love in return for the love it is willing to let the heart express. thence follow jealousy, fear, insecurity, anger, pride. there is no end to this, and it causes only misery. the more we love with expectation and want, the more we will find ourselves miserable in the longer run. because then we become blind to the growth of the one we love. we try to bind them, put them in a cage. we make them the subject of our love, yet imprison them. this is our mind acting again, because when our mind doesn't act with ego, then we realize that imprisonment is not right. it is not conducive to growth. it is not an expression of love, for love must also include freedom.

the challenge therefore, is not to not love, but to love with detachment. this means - love freely, but understand that you love for yourself, and not for the other. we love for our own sakes, because we feel complete. so we should not try to bind those we love with our expectations.