8/3/09

July

After a tussle between mindfulness and empathy, decisiveness won the VOTM spot. On the flight to Bangalore today, I jotted down the following reflections on making decisions:

The power to make decisions stems from the availability of 'choice'. Those who are blessed with the wealth of resources have also the power, more often than not, to choose what to do with this wealth. The question then remains - what do we do with this power? How best may we utilize it? How do we decide - to do one thing and not another?

I have often entertained the desire of having a 'little person' sitting inside of me, telling me what to do, and all the time. This little person would just know the right thing to do at all times, and guide me to the right path without fail. It took me some time to realize that this fantastic dream of mine was actually real - this 'little person' did exist. It was the voice of my gut, my conscience.

It is this voice that tends to the mind when it has successfully trapped itself in its daily quandaries, as a mother tends to a child who's stuck with his hand inside a cookie jar and cannot get it out. It is then up to the child to let go, let the mother take over, or to resist any help and continue stubbornly to struggle. [This may not be the best analogy, but hopefully it brings the point across.]

To get up or not to get up, the mind asks. "Get up," the voice says.

To eat or not to eat a third slice of this super-indulgent cake? "Not to eat," says the gut.

To let my ego come in way of helping out a friend in need? "Not ever."

And so it goes. The mind plays truant all too often. No doubt it is so often referred to as the 'monkey mind'. But thank heavens for the gut, that brings it back in place. The struggle between the two doesn't 'start' or 'end'. It was and will be. Unless we enter the realm of the Buddha's existence, but the chances are just so slim we might as well leave them out of consideration.

Daunted by the enormity of the task that lay before me of this struggle (when I first awoke to this inner reality), I didn't really know how I could become a fitting defender of this voice, this gut. It always seemed so much easier to let the mind have its way. Despondently I'd wonder - will it always be this way?

It has been a slow learning process (though 'slow' and 'fast' are also constructs of the mind), but I have learned that this conscience evolves as well. It grows from seed to plant to flowers and fruits that are more fragrant and far sweeter than any other. All it asks is to be fed some attention. The more we tend to it then, the more it tends to us.

And as I close this post, I am fondly reminded of this story I had shared with you earlier - about the good wolf and the bad wolf. I suppose I have only reiterated its import.

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