We're Moving!

Time it was, time said, to move on. So here we are - my blog and I - newly aboard at Zero Summer. See you there, then?

On Sievings

Dear Sievings,

I've loved having you around, and you've been a friend indeed. However, I've been feeling a tension of sorts lately, a need to branch out. Where to, I do not know. Why, too, I do not know. I do want you to be around still, as a sweet remembrance. You have taught me much that I thank you for. I now feel an itch to don a new hat, though. One of these days, it will be time.

But I could never forget you. The seeds that you have planted will continue to grow and bear fruit. There can be no doubt about that.

Love,

8&20

Another way of telling

Yesterday, I found myself amidst quite a struggle. Perhaps this will sound selfish, perhaps altogether inane, but I'll share it with you nonetheless. 

In Blossom (the best book shop in Bangalore, or the world for that matter) yesterday, I was looking for a book on photography to give as a present. Not the usual "how to take good pictures" kind of stuff, but really "something more" without knowing what this "more" was. Well, I absolutely stumbled upon this book (nothing quite explains why I was drawn to something that didn't strike a chord at all, at first). As I walked myself through the first few pages, I found that this was it. It really was just the book I'd been looking for. Every page enthralled. I was in love. There was no question of "to buy or not to buy".

Yet, now the question was - "to keep or not to keep". I felt rather shameless reconsidering, and for the thought of getting another book for my friend (after all, I reasoned, how was I to know if she'd love this one just as much as I did.) The truth is, though, that it didn't matter. In a second, I realized that as soon as the decision was made - I'd always feel terrible if I kept it, and I'd always feel happier if I brought myself to part with it for good reason. Thence the doubt disappeared. Doubt is like that, isn't it? It just disappears.

Anyway, it is still a book I'd recommend highly to you all (I intend to buy it right away!)- if photography interests you, even as a faraway subject. It also encouraged me to document my own journey as a photographer a little better. There is such immense joy in discovering another go through the same questions as oneself.  Narcissists we are indeed!

This post was meant to be about a landmark on this journey, not so much about photo at a meta-level, but perhaps next time. Good night, all!

On 'old children'

While I would have liked for this blog to dutifully serve as a travelog, it has been a while since I really penned my thoughts on the travel I've been doing. There is some comfort in the thought that photos are making up for this, to some degree. Anyway, this post is inspired by memories of Malwa, etched in my brain as my first (and most delightful) tryst with rustic bliss. 

Of course, words have found their way out of my head so as to be replaced by Tagore's. I no longer fret about not being able to write like him. I don't need to. He already reads my thoughts like a mirror:

Sometimes one or other of our simple, devoted old ryots comes to see me - and their worshipful homage is so unaffected! How much greater than I are they in the beautiful simplicity and sincerity of their reverence. What if I am unworthy of their veneration - their feeling loses nothing of its value.

I regard these grown-up children with the same kind of affection as I have for little children - but there is also a difference. They are more infantile still. Little children will grow up later on, but these big children never.

A meek and radiantly simple soul shines through their worn and wrinkled old bodies. Little children are merely simple, they have not the unquestioning, unwavering devotion of these. If there be any undercurrent along which the soul of men may have communication with one another, then my sincere blessing will surely reach and serve them.

A Day to Remember

I hadn't realized how long it had been since I was left with a day to myself - in entirety and without responsibility. As I found myself in the midst of just such a one, I rejoiced in watching it amble past me - slowly, as the hours turned.

It was a day spent with music, with writing, with photos. With friends and family, albeit remotely. It was a day spent with myself and my solitude. Poetic that does sound; and indeed, the day was beautiful like poetry.

Empty Offices

What is it about empty offices that is somehow so comforting? It's my second Saturday at Srishti, and I'm loving the peace and quiet it brings. Of course, it's true that I don't feel much like working either. Feeling inspired, I went through my un-put-up photos from the past few weeks and put them up. Now I feel like writing.

Maybe I should go home to get some work done :).

Bangalore

This is my fourth and final stretch in Bangalore, and although I've taken several captures to remember it by, perhaps it also merits a post. I sit here then, and wonder - what comes to mind when I think Bangalore? The people first - those who have floated in and out of life ever so seamlessly, bringing with them moments of happiness. Bangalore brought me to meet a friend I hadn't seen in 21 years, a close friend from high school whom I met after 12, several friends from college - some close, some not so close... I also made new acquaintances, forged new friendships, and all of these trysts helped make my stay at Bangalore lovely and memorable. So when I think Bangalore, these will always be the first to come to mind.

And then, the place. Bangalore offered so many and varied experiences. The guest house, in its calmness and serenity, welcomed me each time I entered its vast, green landscape. Even as I sit and type these words, I hear the wind brush against the leaves outside, knowing I will always remember it with great fondness. Outside the guest house, I have gradually developed a deeper acquaintance with Yelahanka - on foot, in a car, bus, auto, motorbike, scooter... And this reminds me to mention the traffic in which the entire city is ever afloat. Indeed, Bangalore would not be Bangalore without it.

At first glance, I loved how green Bangalore was, though I must admit that I've gotten rather used to it and now take its shades for granted. The weather, of course, is to die for. Where else in India does one need to keep a shawl at hand, at all times? I love the breeze, and rejoice when it turns to wind. Indeed, there is a natural air-conditioning that Bangalore is blessed with. And when it rains, it feels as though the heavens are pouring.

Mmm, that about covers it all, doesn't it? And yet, I've clearly done no justice whatsoever. I promise to try harder next time.

Where does it go?

I just typed a comment in response to Peevee's post. When I first read over it, this is what I saw:

blah. blah blah :).
blah blah. :)

Do you see what I see? At first I winced at the inconsistency in the two lines. A second later, as I read the words and relived the emotions, I realized that there was a reason, be it somewhat obscure:

Ha. Too busy with the darling little kid, I assume :).
I suppose you picked the right forum to get through to her. :)

The first line was conceived of with a smile, while the second came out as a reflection and was followed by a smile. Get it? How interesting is that? :)

:).

Enough Already

Life's lesson for me today is to stop writing, thinking, talking, discussing... just BE. There's just no other way out of this mess. Got that?

A thought

Was there a time in the history of humankind when there was no thought? Every thought has a birth and death, does it not? Must it not then follow that there was once no thought, and then the first was born? What was this first thought, I wonder...

Today's was an Eckhart Tolle morning, and there are two thoughts he left me with that I'd like to share:

1. Make the present moment your friend, not your enemy.

2. When we act according to the highest light we can see within us, more light finds its way in.

Apologies

Earlier today, I posted excerpts from The Secret. I take these back now, with the realization that a little knowledge is sometimes a dangerous thing.

I must admit I do believe that this book is a little in that realm of offering a little knowledge that cannot stand alone on its own two feet. What one takes from it and runs with is anybody's guess really, and that thought makes me rather uneasy. When a kind friend helped me understand the implications from an alternate perspective, I felt rather sheepish about exhibiting this content on my blog.

If you wish to read The Secret, by all means read it. But pray, do keep in mind that most of the great masters it quotes have said a lot more than just what the book presents. The lessons of detachment, mindfulness, acceptance and surrender, equanimity, selflessness... are also to be kept in mind, as one embraces the attitude of gratitude, positive thinking, visualizing goals, and what have you.

I hope we understand each other :).

To the world at large

[and to me in particular]

Let it be known that life, in this moment, is very very good. It may not have felt so yesterday, as I packed to leave home again. And it may not seem so tomorrow, as I grapple with complex research questions at work. But right now, in this moment, it is very very good. I cannot think of anything more to ask for, even as I find myself miles away from a soul I know... as I dissolve in silence.

And gratitude.

So Far So Good

Ever since I stated my goals and began to visualize them, I've made some noticeable progress on most (if not all) sectors. Allow me to bore you with the details. Or allow me to allow you to skip reading this post entirely. That will do you good. And don't say I didn't warn you!

• I entered a bookstore, not intending to buy a thing really, and my eyes instantly fell on a book of digital photography soon as I entered. This spoke to some of the things I'd been trying to figure out how to do with my photos. Honestly, it was a clear step up. I'm a little better now, and have a tutorial lined up for tomorrow by someone who generously offered to teach me some photo-polishing techniques in Photoshop.
• The very same coworker is an expert at Illustrator and illustrated some remarkable tricks today that left me floored. I absolutely have to learn to use this better, and he's going to pass on a copy of Illustrator for Dummies to me tomorrow. Step up.
• As for singing - I have found a potential guru, sort of. Regardless, steps have been taken to generate a plan for the near future. In the meantime, meditation upon music continues.
• Writing down the bones, no questions there.
  
• The process of photography doesn't ever stop. The digital photography book taught me some great techniques for better management of light, different styles of compositions, etc. I also learned how my dSLR does its metering, after all these years. The India: Then and Now book brought new perspective on perspectives, especially for building/landscape captures. Clear and solid step up.
  
• Not learning Bangla yet, but certainly trying to follow the Bangla words used in the biography I am reading currently. Let's say that counts.
• Can't say I've embarked upon solid research questions to explore. However, a long mail update was just dispatched to the advisor, and we'll be talking later this week on phone. I'd say there's progress towards progress.
  
• Continuing to be positive and enthusiastic. Laughing in loud, uncontrolled guffaws. And refraining from homesickness (now that is a big deal!).
• Loving as much as I can, and trying to love more. With non-attachment and acceptance. The progress is less discrete, and there's still a long way to go. We'll be hopeful for now, though.
• Yep, growing. Trying to expand horizons as we speak. Getting to know new people, more people. Trying to learn new things. I suppose this one is hard to avoid even, though!

acceptance

is august's votm, and i start my thought process with past reflections.

intriguing it is indeed, to find that lessons could do with endless repetitions. in the school of life i'm really barely passing :(.

and yet, this too i must learn to accept :).

July

After a tussle between mindfulness and empathy, decisiveness won the VOTM spot. On the flight to Bangalore today, I jotted down the following reflections on making decisions:

The power to make decisions stems from the availability of 'choice'. Those who are blessed with the wealth of resources have also the power, more often than not, to choose what to do with this wealth. The question then remains - what do we do with this power? How best may we utilize it? How do we decide - to do one thing and not another?

I have often entertained the desire of having a 'little person' sitting inside of me, telling me what to do, and all the time. This little person would just know the right thing to do at all times, and guide me to the right path without fail. It took me some time to realize that this fantastic dream of mine was actually real - this 'little person' did exist. It was the voice of my gut, my conscience.

It is this voice that tends to the mind when it has successfully trapped itself in its daily quandaries, as a mother tends to a child who's stuck with his hand inside a cookie jar and cannot get it out. It is then up to the child to let go, let the mother take over, or to resist any help and continue stubbornly to struggle. [This may not be the best analogy, but hopefully it brings the point across.]

To get up or not to get up, the mind asks. "Get up," the voice says.

To eat or not to eat a third slice of this super-indulgent cake? "Not to eat," says the gut.

To let my ego come in way of helping out a friend in need? "Not ever."

And so it goes. The mind plays truant all too often. No doubt it is so often referred to as the 'monkey mind'. But thank heavens for the gut, that brings it back in place. The struggle between the two doesn't 'start' or 'end'. It was and will be. Unless we enter the realm of the Buddha's existence, but the chances are just so slim we might as well leave them out of consideration.

Daunted by the enormity of the task that lay before me of this struggle (when I first awoke to this inner reality), I didn't really know how I could become a fitting defender of this voice, this gut. It always seemed so much easier to let the mind have its way. Despondently I'd wonder - will it always be this way?

It has been a slow learning process (though 'slow' and 'fast' are also constructs of the mind), but I have learned that this conscience evolves as well. It grows from seed to plant to flowers and fruits that are more fragrant and far sweeter than any other. All it asks is to be fed some attention. The more we tend to it then, the more it tends to us.

And as I close this post, I am fondly reminded of this story I had shared with you earlier - about the good wolf and the bad wolf. I suppose I have only reiterated its import.