life is so happening, man

i feel like i've accomplished a lot in these past few days. all thanks to the packing and moving. i thought i had a lot of stuff, until it all fit so very snugly in a's house :) (making it look sooo much snugger, i might add!).

i don't have much to report to the world really, other than packing and moving details. i threw away a lot of old papers, gave away 4 full trash bags of stuff to goodwill, and packed my bags for india. my bookshelves look beautiful stacked on top of each other. i cannot wait to get back and set up house again, this time with much more personalized furniture (sigh).

oh yeah, p and i got housing. apparently a lot of second-years didn't, so we have reason to celebrate. yay :). now we just have to make a list of houses we want and give the list to the housing office (aka a).

on the other end of the world, plans are being made to visit goa. a, t, r & me. i don't see it happening, it's so super-duper expensive. and it's going to be raining, which means no photography. bummer. but i shall try to do whatever t wants me to, in the coming months. good excuse to throw lots of money :).

i feel like i'm going to be a plane ride very soon, and not just 24 hours, but 3 months... when there will be lots to see and assimilate. wish me luck!

and goodbye, for now. this post was for adu.

ad(ie)u :)

what a day

i was about to jump into a story of how the day unfolded, then remembered a realization earlier on in the day: long posts are good, and entertaining, when you're keeping track of someone's blog and they just decided to give you a good solid post to read. when you're not keeping track, and letting time slip by instead, then checking out their page can be a painful experience in the presence of long posts. i, at least, feel that i must read every single post there is, but reading all the posts in completion is so overkill when there's much to be read.

hence, short and sweet is way to go. here's a summary of the highlights of the day - had lunch at cp - oh so (ful)filling, went in to work but did none, played some grab, saw phenomenal new house, played with little baby boy, and clicked. i love that everyone (a few anyway) is getting into photography or cares to learn. i love that people are willing subjects. i love those people, especially mr. 1-month-old.

unfortunately, smugmug is down for a few hours. why do they think that no one will want to use their website on a friday night?! hmph!

may this weekend be long, bright, and colorful.
for you and for me.

night!

16?

trb asks:

number of people in love with you?
number of books you HAVE to
read?
number of uneaten oranges in your fridge?
number of times you had to
run home today because you forgot something?

numbers can mean so much :).

sad :(

j (a co-worker) came by to say that he was sorry i was leaving. i feel sad now...


maybe i should stay...



ok, not sad any more :)

but...

i would like to invite you all to join facebook. and in return for being an esteemed reader of my blog, you have a standing offer to get your profile picture taken by me...
anytime, anywhere - i'll be there.

your friendly neighborhood photographer ;)

today

i just don't feel like blogging.

facebooked out

i can safely say i spent my entire workday on facebook. i am proud to have accomplished the following:

• touched base with my classmate from 10th grade who i haven't met since, and told her what i was doing in life and over the summer. found things in common and rediscovered a friend.
  
• touched base with cousin at stanford who treated me to dinner and returned me my books that had lived in his car for 1.5 years.
  
• also set up a plan to visit the taj over the summer for more photography. i can already visualize the taj, me, and my telephoto (sigh).
  
• as a put it in his gre tongue, i got myself another profile pic minion, increasing count to 5 and counting.
• this attracted trb's attention and i have a new model (modulo same time/same place pre-req).
• made plans with psa to 'do something' in delhi while he is bossed by aforesaid cousin.
• reconnected with ss and found another sample point to prove there is a god but that he is sometimes against us with a passion. no offense.
  
• found out when tb intends to be in delhi so that we can continue to stay unconnected despite knowledge of each other's not-so-distant whereabouts.
• gave unsolicited advice to kp on what camera equipment to not buy where.
• rapidly cured myself of growing addiction as psa suggested possibility of being accused of facebook misconduct.

do you not think the day was productive?

100

ooooof! the hits counter at the bottom has finally entered the 3-digit world. time to celebrate. thank you readers, for your faithful reading. i love you all, *mwah*!

touched upon touched

gg asked me to be the official photographer for his wedding. yay! he'd asked 10 days ago though, i just re-remembered and felt super happy all over again :).

moving out

is painful, and a lot of work. i have spent almost two memorable years in 2025 williams. while there are some things about it that i *shall not* miss (e.g. the landlady that scares the living daylights out of me), there are many that i will. most dearly. some of the things i love most about the house -

• mornings bathed in sunlight
• evenings filled with shadows
• the many windows, letting in much fresh air
• the darling green paint on the living room walls
• the very exquisite lighting in the corner with the table lamp
• the lovely white blinds
• the ugly heater that works only in extremes :)
• the wooden floor
• the bathroom with its little window and flowery curtains
• and the character oozing out of the counter and the cupboards
• the light inside the shower that i used once, but was always in awe of
• the incessant drainage problems that plagued the house, that i will remember fondly - fondly because i will no longer have to face them :)
• the lovely large kitchen, with its lovely yellow floor and green counter
• the gas cooking range, but that's being practical
• the little window over the sink from where you can see people walk past, their faces inches away from yours :)
• the blinds that kept falling off
• the ants that would keep marching in, that i had begun to consider my million room-mates
• the painting over the dining table that will have to stay in the house after i leave, sigh
• the laundry room with its sea of storage space
• the quaint little back entrance i never used
• the steps i'd dreamt of sitting on, reading a book on a sunny saturday afternoon (i never did)
• the dryer and its lint that was oh-so-seldom removed, my first year in the house :)
• my large large bedroom, the largeness of which i will not miss
• the abominable couch, that was a nuisance from the day it was brought, but it housed more than half my clothes more than half the time - thank you, couch
• the big big b i g window with the pink flowers outside
• my lovely papasan, with the sweat from my marathon days still on its cushion :) (from gg's marathon days too :)
• my quaint little pine dresser and quaint little pine bedside table, that were used more for show and feel than anything else :)
• the closets i so seldom used
• the lights inside the closets that i used all the time
• my memory foam bed first, that screwed up my back :)
• and then my futon, that took care of it with steadfast loyalty
• ... and much more, i bet ...

most of all, i know i will miss the memories that were made in this house - with many many friends, and a mom and a dad.

sunday of the beautiful kind

this blog is fast becoming a journal and that must fast come to a stop - a function of the time on my hands these days and an incessant desire to play pollyanna's game.

sunday was beautiful, though. it was a bright sunny day, when i woke up. met ps at starbucks to put together the rounds for dumb-c. efficiency was at its best, and we finished well in time. dumb-c itself went well, though i didn't get a chance to run through all the rounds. the best part of it was that we sat and played out in the sun, and i got to take a lot of pictures in the natural light. the bad part was that the sun was directly overhead and the shadows were less than perfect. but the good part - the abundant natural light. and the warmth.

after, r & i went to cafe borrone for some not-so-stud ice mocha but some uber-stud pictures. for once, he let me click limitlessly, and i reached the high point of my existence in many, many days. the shadows, the reflections, the lighting were all perfect. 5pm. couldn't ask for more.

the starbucks cd was playing in my car and the weather was perfect, so we went for a ride to the end of the world... all the way down on junipero serra, and then all the way into the woods. it might have been portola valley, but i'm not sure.

the drive back was just as pleasant, and memorable. we stopped by to see n/g/s next door. s was sleeping, unfortunately, so no photo-op. it was time then to go for b's graduation party. the party went well, and it was nice to see everyone together, for perhaps the last time for many many months (for me).

the day was something else. any day is beautiful that is filled with sunshine, fresh air, games, good photos, good music, and the love of friends. thank you, god.

filial obligations

i wish they weren't. i mean "obligations". it would be great if i could just visit when i wanted, see them when i wanted, and not have to drive 3.5 hours and myself mad in the process! yesterday was my cousin's bridal shower. since i won't be here to attend the wedding (being the only one to be doing so for miles and miles of relations) it made sense to at least attend the bridal shower. but it turned the day into another one of those "nightmares have seen better days than this" kinda day:

wake up 5.15, go to berkeley, click click, walk 30 mins to pick up the car, drive to lafayette for another 30, eat amazing lunch and drink amazing "minty mango", drive back to berkeley for another 30, and then to stanford for an hour. by now, i'm already late for the bridal shower, which was to commence at 4. too much commencement already! i get ready, go to my favorite little art store "the annex" (favorite for no particular reason though, because i always fail to find anything of significant interest!).

then decide to drive up to lafayette. throat parched, i figure i can rely on my destination to take care of thirst, among other things. at alvarado niles, i decide it is better to first ensure that i reach my destination without fainting on the drive in the heat and the traffic (you never know, with me and fainting).

at the gas station, i see some high-school couples, corsage and all, going to a dance (probably). i wonder why they had *all* stopped there before heading off to wherever they were to head off to. it was an entertaining sight though (and boy! did i feel old).

well, anyway, i get back onto alvarado niles, drive on for a day, and finally get to 680N. another 30 miles, and i reach my desired exit. another 20 mins, and am actually at the house! i was filled with disbelief at the thought that i had actually finally reached my destination (no, seriously).

but i was 2.5 hours late :). the shower was to commence at 4, as i said earlier. i don't regret getting there late at all, but i'm sure i was complained about. anyway, i played bingo and won it, yay! and got a gigantic, nicely packaged, jasmine soap for my winnings. i also got a box of mints that says "anita's shower" on top. i don't know if i'm going to use it though :o

when i finally got back, it was late and i was too exhausted to lift a finger. but now for the things to be glad about, pollyanna style:

• when i woke up at 5.15, i was not sleepy at all. it was a pleasant awakening, and i would love to have one of those every morning, thank you.
• got some good pictures at the graduation. always a good feeling. especially to be able to capture just the right moments!
  
• saw mk after ages and ages and felt happy to be reassured that some things do not change.
• walked for 30 mins after ages and ages, through campus, and got some hard-to-find-these-days and much-longed-for exercise.
• drove to lafayette to discover an exciting new restaurant. cake was taken by "minty mango", the drink with the attitude. ummm yummm.
• felt amazed at the coincidence that 3 independent parties that attended graduation finished lunch at such times that it was possible to leave berkeley around the same time. given that we left the theatre at different times...
• also at the coincidence of s&s being behind us in their car at the exit from the freeway.
• wore an outfit i hadn't in 5 years, and it still fit.
• found a present at the annex, phew!
• did not dehydrate and faint on the freeway.
• won bingo, yay!
• was entertained by gg all the way on 680S.
• s answered my call, yay!
• and we talked and talked and talked and talked.
• (this deserves 3 bullet points, i am so glad!)
• and finally, went to sleep more tired than i had been in days. 'tis always wonderful to fall asleep in spite of every effort to stay awake.
  

pomp and circumstance

always fills me with nostalgia. and of course, the more i have occasion to listen to it, the more occasions there are to be nostalgic about. i have had the good fortune to attend 13 graduation ceremonies so far. it saddens me to realize that i will not be able to photograph adu's graduation though, because i will be at my own, next year :(.

today i was at b's and k's graduation at berkeley. the greek theatre is something else, berkeley spirit just oozing out of every corner. my very first dorm (stern hall) was bang next to the greek theatre, and we would know each time there was a concert, graduation, etc. this reminds me of s (my next door neighbor and best friend at berkeley), and i should let any interested blog readers know that i tried the *67 trick and spoke to s today, after 3 years (refer to this post). it was a lo...ng conversation, and immensely satisfying.

took some pictures at the ceremony, but would hugely love a wider angle and larger zoom lens. being uploaded on smugmug already, so check them out. been up since 5.15am, but do not wish to sleep until the upload is complete. hence i am killing time by writing this entry :).

(and falling asleep right after typing above line....)

so populah

please google "sievings" and "eightandtwenty".

cool, ain't it?

:)

george was here

a few days ago, i received a $1 bill that said at the bottom "see wheresgeorge.com". yesterday, a, very excitedly, asked me not to spend it, and how these things never happened to him, and how i was so lucky, etc. etc. i finally logged on to "wheresgeorge.com", logged the bill, and donated it to a who was happy as a bird, since now it was his bill.

today, when i asked him for the bill, so i could blog about it (not that i really needed the exact serial number to do so), he realized he had gleefully spent it this morning. this, without logging it on the website, which was his passion-filled dream only yesterday. some people!

anyway, when i had logged on, i realized that the bill had originated in the state of new york, and i was the next one to log its progress, 47 days later (i think). that's too bad. it's cos everyone's like a.

:)
i donated a $1 bill to a today, so that he has a new baby to follow progress on. i'm sure it will be forgotten just as soon as it is registered on the website though. but i'd be happy to be proven wrong :).

you should check out wheresgeorge anyway.

one more link

for those of you who have the time and interest, i'd like to advertise the existence of my new blog: to live to learn. its intended purpose is to summarize the journeys my mind (and body, for that matter) will make in the near future.

(is journeys used in the plural like that?)

sigh

what a beautiful little poem. the poet just read my mind...

butterflies

like butterflies
they are held
for a moment
in my hands
then quickly
they fly away

beautiful people

leaving behind
a fragrance
unforgettable

the colors
now gone
still dazzle

the wings
still flutter
within

grey

i hate these situations life throws us into, when every possible path serves only to bring net pain. i guess there is always still a 'right' thing to do, going by gut feel. and that is the only thing to do, painful as it may be. i just think it's unfair.

a while ago i was going to design a t-shirt for a that said "life is unfair... especially mine". i want that t-shirt now. i guess what goes around comes around :).

right now, the world looks grey. i guess that means my camera can only take b/w pictures... until the color comes back. and that could take a while. enjoy the spring, everyone.

nightmares

have seen better days than this....

old stuff

some friend, at some point of time, had given me a card with these words in it -

life! we've been long together
through pleasant and through stormy weather
'tis hard to part when friends are dear
perhaps it'll cost a smile, a tear
then steal away, give little warning
choose thine own time
say not "good night"
but in some brighter clime
bid me "good morning"

i was moved enough that i had it on my wall through many years at berkeley. found it in my berkeley trunk while i was unpacking. it does not read as beautifully as it did then, but i am just as moved...

(it did always bother me though that the rhyme scheme suddenly switched itself without warning!)

freedom

today i had my first whiff of freedom... met adu for lunch at the thai cafe and loved the peace and quiet that the quad exudes. went to the church with n, and enjoyed more peace and quiet :). and then escaped a parking ticket at the oval by a minute - lots more peace :).

later, had the privilege of shaking hands with the great tabla maestro. p was to demonstrate chhota and bada khayal in class today, so i decided to go. also encouraged by afore-mentioned whiff. class was entertaining (sans the jokes). we first listened to the master of the rubab - homayun sakhi. the instrument is fascinating, minus the fact that it is made out of goat-skin. it was ornate and oh so beautiful. then we heard p sing, and zakir accompanied. when we are ready to produce p's cd (work in progress), we will put a photo of her singing with z playing. some of the photos from today have been put up on smugmug. feel free to check them out.

z was pretty awesome about letting me take the pictures. i (obviously) took permission before-hand. he said he'd allow me to take them only if he looked good in them. as d said, i should have said "then i can surely take some". i was only mildly flattering in my response though. anyway, at the end of the performance he walked past me and said "i hope you got some good pictures. you better have!". i got a "wah taj" pose, so i'm happy :). he even looked at the camera and smiled a few times :).

am off now, to enjoy some more freedom.
tata :).

"the answer is three-fold..."

i have so much respect for people who know exactly how many points they're going to make before they make them. i often wonder how they do it, and each time someone says "there are 3 reasons..." or the like, i'm always waiting to hear exactly what they're going to say after to check if they lived up to their claim :). (of course, i'm talking about when the speaker hasn't rehearsed their speech before and is speaking impromptu.)

impromptu is a good word for grab, i think. one would never expect it to come up :).

breaking the loop

most people's lives seem to go in one long line... mine seems to be going in loops. can someone tell me how to break the loop? there's got to be more to see in the world.

how does this work?

today is "no gas day", the objective being for all americans on the internet to not visit a gas station. this could potentially cut gas expenses by 3bn for the day, they say.

i don't buy it. is anyone actually driving less because it is no gas day? no. people who drive to work will continue to, just perhaps they won't make a trip to the gas station today. in the slightly longer run, it all averages out, and there are no lasting holes in the gas sellers' pockets.

if it was a day to boycott the use of gas it would perhaps make a tad more sense. but this is easy to say for students and such, who live at bikable or busable distances from campus. what about people who work 40 miles away? what are they going to do?

how about a better public transport system? is anyone doing something about that? how about carpooling options and such?

i'm going to have to visit a gas station today anyway, since i need to return my rental. had i known i'd have to return it today, i could've filled it up yesterday and signed up for the scam. no offense.

clothes

gosh, there are clothes all over the house. i felt i'd pack up enough, but now, when i look up, i see no significant difference in the before and after :(. there are enough in the laundry room, then a gigantic pile on the couch, some in the bathroom, in the dresser of course, on the floor to be given away, and lastly - in the closet. i don't know how they'll ever fit anything at all.

i wish i wasn't so attached to every darn thing that came my way. a once said i could feel nostalgic about a doorknob. i'm not that bad, but i'm close. i used to have a bugs bunny pencil case (i wish i could remember where i had bought it) that turned up in the cleaning today. it had pencils that hadn't been touched in god knows how long. there was also a ruler that xenia had given to me, a light blue ruler that had a duck on it :) in true xenia style. and an eraser. i just couldn't get myself to chuck the pencils. even though they didn't hold any special meaning that i could remember. just to think that they were from a time long gone was enough. (i now get a vague feeling this was purchased in berlin, '99).

the event of the day was that i dialed s's parents' number to find out how i could get in touch with her. turns out her cell number hadn't changed since the last time we talked, but i had somehow assumed she was untraceable. gave her a call but she didn't answer, nor did she call back. my plan is to give her a call over the weekend but with the *67 prefix. that might be my only chance to get to speak to her :). sad face actually :(.

i also found it amusing to find that i owned a book called "basic complex analysis" :). it was even more amusing that 4 years ago this was not amusing to me at all :). this, and other books with similar nerd quotients, are hidden away in the laundry room closet, reflecting a personality diametrically opposite of that reflected by the rest of the house :). shh!

but this post was about clothes, sorry for the digression. what am i to do with all these clothes?! i wish i could just give them all away. in fact, some of them don't even fit me (but might some day!) and some of them are too big (but i might need them some day). i also have clothes i bought 4 years ago but they still have their tag on, but they're new, so i might still want to wear them when i'm looking for something new. and then i have a shelf-full of running clothes, but who knows, i might yet become fit enough to be again working out every day :). and then there are the indian clothes i have never worn here, but i might take them to india and wear them there sometime. and the orange vest i never wore cos it was too orange... well, someday it might not look that orange. there are clothes out of fashion now, but i'm sure they'll be back in trend someday...

fickleness is so hard to maintain!

from the gitanjali

Clouds heap upon clouds and it darkens. Ah, love, why dost thou let me wait outside at the door all alone?

In the busy moments of the noontide work I am with the crowd, but on this dark lonely day it is only for thee that I hope.

If thou showest me not thy face, if thou leavest me wholly aside, I know not how I am to pass these long, rainy hours.

I keep gazing on the far-away gloom of the sky, and my heart wanders wailing with the restless wind.

If thou speakest not I will fill my heart with thy silence and endure it. I will keep still and wait like the night with starry vigil and its head bent low with patience.

The morning will surely come, the darkness will vanish, and thy voice pour down in golden streams breaking through the sky.Then thy words will take wing in songs from every one of my birds’ nests, and thy melodies will break forth in flowers in all my forest groves.

definitions to remember

yesterday, after fulfilling our day's quota of grab, we came up with the following alliterated definitions for the players:

bh - anagram architect
ba - bengali babu
gg - pharaoh of facts & figures
adu - (grand old) dame of deadpan delivery
aka - swimming song-box
moi - constant clicker

logging them so they do not fade into oblivion.

the spring faire

i spent a most lovely, peaceful afternoon at the spring faire today. took 278 photos, but they didn't turn out as well as i'd thought. learnt an important lesson in photography - must pay attention to the exposure settings. by accident, the exposure had been set to 2 stops below normal. no wonder i hadn't gotten an over-exposed shot in a while. thanks to n, the problem is now fixed. the afternoon wasn't really wasted anyway, because it was a beautiful feeling to be sitting by the claw, enjoying the live music.

pictures are up on smugmug if you'd like to see them.

i need more sunday afternoons in my life, and zero monday mornings would be much appreciated.

and happy mother's day, mom!

uff

@ tickle.com, they think:

The way you think about things makes you a Complex Intellectual. This means you are highly intelligent and have extraordinarily strong verbal and math skills. Compared to others you are a highly conceptual and complex thinker and are able to understand information in an abstract form. You also show great attention to detail. In fact, it's hard to find something you're not good at.

sunday morning joblessness :). i clicked on weather.com to see how much wind there was going to be today, clicked somewhere by accident that landed me into this iq test.

to the world at large...

in rooms packed with people, or on crowded streets, i often feel quite a disconnect. in times like these, i find much solace in holding my camera in my hands. cheesy as it sounds, we have begun to belong together :). i see slow withdrawal into a world of my own, where i do not expect to be understood but would like the permission to withdraw. do not come in my way if i don't come in yours. allow me little pleasures, please, that to you are little irritants?! my mind is not with me, not in the present. it is still catching up, is not yet at today.

'night.

reality

nothing is a big deal. everything is overrated. no one is indispensable.

the countdown begins

"the more loving one"

i had read and explicated this poem a while ago. worth revisiting:

The More Loving One

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

-- W. H. Auden

why blog?

i know (or at least somewhat understand) why people like to blog. but why do we like it and push for others to blog as well?

1. is it because we feel unsure of our own reasons to blog, and find justification in the fact that others like to blog as well?
2. or to look all popular with a nice long blogroll? :)
3. to ensure that our blogs will be read if we read their blog? (tacit understanding between acquainted bloggers)
4. is it independent of our blog-writing? would we just like to get to know these other bloggers better by means of their blog?
5. to keep in touch with lives of friends without having to call them or see them? reading the blog can sometimes be enough....
6. or is it just to find more ways of wasting time? :)

others? please add to the list.

i find that 4 & 5 are most undesirably common, in my personal list at least. need to do away with this laziness right away. sometimes 2 & 6 also hold :). 6 often holds, in fact, for my own blogging ... getting back to work now (sigh).

why worry?

for the last few years, it has been my earnest attempt to quit worrying about things that i have no control over. in many ways, i have been successful, and brought myself much, otherwise elusive, peace of mind. but i still need more work - especially when others are involved - people that i care about very deeply. each time i find myself worrying about others' lives, it is usually because i see them doing things i would most certainly not, if i were them. but then, who am i to impose my beliefs/principles/habits? even if i do believe it is for their own good - how do i know that i know better?

perhaps it is time to start an intensive process of blocking out every worry that i cannot fix. be it people, work, anything. so the next time someone tells me they want to hit their foot with an axe (figuratively or literally :P) i shall say "go ahead, why not?". good idea, yes?

as a kid in jaipur, i had the following posted on my wall (or perhaps it was my sister's wall):

there are only two things to worry about:
either you are well or you are sick.
if you are well, then there is nothing to worry about,
but if you are sick, there are only two things to worry about:
either you will get well or you will die.
if you get well, there is nothing to worry about,
but if you die, there are only two things to worry about:
either you will go to heaven or you will go to hell.
if you go to heaven there is nothing to worry about,
but if you go to hell, you'll be so busy shaking hands with old friends you won't have time to worry!

so why worry?!

funny

my desk calendar says for the 8th of may:

disorder in the court!

q: what is your relationship with the plaintiff?

a: she is my daughter.

q: was she your daughter on february 13, 1979?

(filler laughter: ha ha ha ha ha ha)

why the craze?

i don't really know. there was no single defining moment in my life after which i fell in love with photography like nothing else, but i have always always loved holding a camera in my hands. the very first camera we had was a minolta point-and-shoot with auto-focus and no zoom. we used this for many many years, even after my sis had dropped it on a trek so that the battery door was held in place with a band-aid. not that it worked continuously without problems, but these things are so easily fixable in india. oh, and my parents did have a very old slr. unfortunately it had been dropped once, after which it had stopped working. it would have been an antique piece if we hadn't given it away :(

then when my mom visited the u.s. in '94, she bought us two cameras. one was the 'family' camera - still a minolta but with a 38-105mm zoom lens. the other was a nikon (38-70mm zoom lens) that got handed down to me. i have no idea how it didn't go to my sister first. or perhaps it did and i stole it from her :) again, i don't know what happened to that one. i do remember one film of pictures that had the richest/sharpest colors i had ever seen in photos taken by me. (those were taken at anuva's house, when there was still a bunk bed, back in the day).

the next camera we purchased was an aps camera that we bought in germany, when we first got there. it was a strange system, and i'm glad it didn't last. the only good thing about it was that the camera would indicate how many exposures remained, rather than how many had been used. and it was small. i used it to take some pictures in my first year at bonn, before we upgraded to a regular film camera which i used for our euro-trip. i think mom and dad still have that camera, but i don't know if it's operational.

and then i came to school in the u.s. where i had no camera of my own. so in my first trip home, after enough complaining (gosh, what a brat!) i was bought a camera. i still have this one - an olympus point-and-shoot. but i was off taking pictures for a while. the few i remember taking were of sarika in my triple at hoyt. and then the memorable point reyes camping trip....

at the time of graduation, i got myself a film slr - n75 with a 50mm lens. at that time, i didn't know what aperture meant, what a filter was, what dof was... nothing. i never even used manual focus. but the pictures were still amazing. i used this camera as my primary camera for over 2 years, before i succumbed to the digital world.

i did a lot of research before i bought my s1 is. in fact, i don't think i'd ever put in so much time and effort into a purchase prior to this. it was a phenomenal camera, i have to say. it took some brilliant pictures.... i especially love the pictures i took of the golden gate when i first discovered the vantage point on the other side of the bridge. jayanth, who has since disappeared from my life, gave me some tips i haven't forgotten since. i learnt the concept of white balance on that day (though i am yet to fully learn how to take advantage of the feature).

the camera served me well for 2 years. until i felt i had saved up enough to afford a digital slr (already documented on this blog). and that brings me to today. i now have a lens for (almost) every occasion, and i love each one. nothing is as exciting as holding the camera in my hands and looking around for beauty to capture. and there is always beauty to capture. and in fact, the most exciting challenge is for the eyes to unravel the beauty that may not always be apparent, and then capture it with the camera's eye. gosh, there is nothing more fulfilling than to take a picture that has turned out well. the process of training the mind's eye is only too exciting, and aligning it with the camera's eye a source of deep satisfaction.

i have been asked often whether i prefer to take pictures of people or places. at some point i would care to pick one over the other. i no longer do. i think photography is all about training oneself to discover and explore beauty in anything and everything. i feel most secure with a camera in my hands wherever i am... if only i could somehow be invisible and not have the camera's presence cause people discomfort. my friends are used to my paparazzi ways now, but i am sure they are not always desirable and often distracting. it's a shame. the only solution then is to focus more on non-living subjects. like flowers, yesterday.

popular notions are sometimes hard to ignore. they seem to walk in and out of my life though, with time. like the above imposed preference between people and places, there's also the debate over post-processing. to photoshop or not to photoshop? after serious consideration, i concluded that photoshopping was an art in itself, with nothing to do with photography in itself. what you can produce with the camera is an art in its own right, how you then enhance the photograph to express what you want it to express is another. i have nothing against photoshoppers, i'd like to learn to take better captures first.

more than a hobby, an interest, a passion - my camera is also now my best friend. i carry it with me on social occasions that i'd rather not attend. when there is little to look forward to in an evening, i bring along my slr. if people won't make me excessively conscious about the camera in my hands, i'm perfectly at ease in a crowd as long as my camera's in my hands. there's so much to explore, i could not possibly be bored.

oh why can i not become a photographer for a living?!

things i learned today

• saturday mornings are meant for sleeping in.
• a couple days of bad posture is all it takes for the neck to fall apart.
  
• 'pottery barn kids' is too over-priced and terribly boring.
  
• gymboree is in the inner row of shops, at the shopping center.
• for macro photos, depth of field is deeper in av mode with lowest aperture.
• i must not stand right above my subjects and put them in my shadow. bad bad bad!
• manual focus helps me get a lot closer, with a macro.
• flowers are beautiful, but lots of pictures with lots of flowers can get a little tiring.
• eyes make interesting subjects, but lighting is critical.
• 'simples' is a word. so is 'guck'. 'breading' is not.
  
• chai is a godsend. (learnt a while ago, frequently reinforced.)
• rei sells bottles with filters. good stuff, but very un-stylo.
  
• rei staff loves to help!
• 'vasculature' is a word.
• wang's has good mapo tofu. the kung-pao is too fried. and 3 dishes are enough for 4.
• house-cleaning takes 20 mins max.
  
• mountains of clothes can be neatly covered with a comforter.
• when i bitch about people, i burn my tongue.
• must adjust white balance before taking indoor shots, dork!
  

let me know if you can think of more.

inter-faith

today i was at an inter-faith event organized by the hsc at stanford. dhwani performed, and there was a panel discussion that included speakers from various faiths, belonging to the stanford/pa community. i was greatly impressed by the speaker 'representing' islam. one rarely hears of religion/religious beliefs in such 'real', 'livable' terms ... terms that one can understand and identify with.

on the one hand, i feel that holding these panel discussions, asking people to represent various faiths, having religion-based round-table talks serve only to discriminate, by accentuating these faith-based differences. while in a social or professional setting i would have been unlikely to consider the religious biases of the people around me, these discussions remind me that there are differences. and that they are sometimes most fundamental.

of course, on the other hand, there are these differences. if only one could be allowed to ignore them, but one cannot, not when they threaten to take innocent lives. if only religious beliefs could be kept to oneself and not considered necessary to impose on others. if only we all could believe in 'to each his own'. perhaps then these crimes would not happen. alas, that is not the case, and so - for 'world peace' - it becomes imperative to understand others' beliefs and ensure that they understand ours. and so we must communicate. but communication was never easy. when husbands and wives across the world have serious issues communicating, how does one begin to hope that communication between disjointed communities will ever reach its desired state?

i grew up not knowing the differences between religions. at some point i did not know that there were things i did not know. later, i knew that i did not know, and considered myself naive. now, i still do not know enough. but do not consider the naivete a negative. i am content with my upbringing. only because, if i look within, it rendered me incapable of differentiating between people based on their religious beliefs. when i was in school, i went to chapel more than i did to a temple, and did not think twice. for god was always one, and omnipresent. as the textbooks taught us, and did well at doing so - i think.

anyway, these are just my cursory views on the subject. i tend to stay away from discussions on religion, for the 'one hand' argument, but i whole-heartedly support and encourage all those who make an effort to address the 'other hand' issue.

what's your ecological footprint?

take the earth day footprint quiz.

i scored a 4.2. i hope you do better :(

maybe not

actually, i'm not ready to move over to wordpress yet. they do have awesome themes, but they're all arial-friendly, and i dislike arial. i can do times new roman, trebuchet, or georgia, but not arial and never verdana. if you have any light to shed on this, let me know. 8&20 does exist on wordpress, anyway.

time for a change?

am considering moving over to wordpress.
tell me what you think, or perhaps just if you are opposed to it.

thanks.

pet peeve #2

why do people spell "ASHA" like that? do they not know that it's not an acronym? do they think all org names are spelt with caps? what about "Pratham" then? perhaps they think it's like "CRY". what about "Vibha" then? people sometimes make no sense, honestly.

if you're someone who writes "ASHA", please set that right right away!

man

may is almost over!

fundamental disconnect

don't you think it's rather ironic that we go through our formative years focusing on an 'education' (read - college degree) thinking we know what we want, when actually we are only just stepping onto the path of self-discovery? and that it is only as life progresses that we develop a better vision of who we are and why (we think) we're here, but by that time we're already done with making career decisions, more often than not....

isn't it ironic?
don't you think?

the ambulatory surgery center

hospitals and hospital visits are not usually any fun, but this one was such a unique experience that it is worthy of a post.

i was at the ambulatory surgery center of stanford hospital yesterday, finally undergoing treatment for a running injury that is 1.5 years old. s was kind enough to take me, and to stick around until i was done (thank you, s :). thankfully, they covered us for parking. (why though, i wonder?!)

we were completely stunned by the posh-ness of the hospital (or i was completely stunned while s was mildly intrigued). in fact, i don't know if one could even call it that, for it looked swankier than most 5-star hotels i've seen! there was a boutique on the second floor with wall-size display windows (for those who think the shopping center hasn't enough to offer, perhaps). the family waiting room (outside the surgery center) was gorgeous, and i'm sure s would have more to say about the restaurant downstairs....

the procedure itself did not take long, thankfully. i hadn't eaten (or had any water) since the previous evening so the crackers and 7-up liz gave me felt very welcome. she kept me 'under observation' for 15-20 minutes, then discharged me. i have to say that every nurse, every doctor, every person i interacted with there was perfectly pleasant, and had an overwhelmingly reassuring presence.

why can't all hospitals be like this one? :(