the month of giving

january is the month of giving. i started this month, however, with not giving. we were in udaipur on the 1st, and after seeing the city palace, as we drove back, there was little time to see the jagdish temple as planned earlier. mom asked, however, if i was keen. i said yes, and so we stopped on the way so that i could alone rush in and rush out (the climb was steep and would have taken them some time, and we were trying not to miss our flight). i obliged, and ran up. as i removed my shoes, i found a 20-something year old looking after the shoe rack. i smiled at him, logged that i should save some change for him as i returned (although there was no purported charge for the safe-keeping), and rushed into the temple. of course, as i prayed, all was forgotten, and all the money i had was surrendered. when i went to retrieve my shoes, i saw him again, and realized i had completely forgotten to save anything for him :(. the temple was at such a height that it was not practical to go down and come back up to pay him. stuck, i was embarrassed to apologize (for it wasn't that i *had* to pay him, i just wanted to), but i was also embarrassed to not. finally, one side won over the other and i apologized to him saying i had given away all the money i was carrying. he responded with warmth saying it was no problem at all.

what could/should i have done different in the situation? ideally, i should have been more thoughtful, more mindful, less forgetful. but once the lapse had occurred, could i have acted differently? what are the lessons i could learn?

the incident left a mark on my mind, and i still wonder what it was about it. there was no guilt really, a happiness rather, that i had openly apologized for my thoughtlessness and that he had so graciously forgiven. that exchange had allowed for an ounce of love to be shared. and i realized, that these miniscule encounters with the strangers of the world can be dealt with two ways - one, we could think there is little need to consider our interaction with those we are unlikely to ever see again, and two, we could realize the interconnectedness of our existence (indeed the oneness) and that a little bit of love can go a long way. anyway, no points for guessing which group i belong to.