a must!

i'm ensconced in this wonderful world where kind souls send me beautiful works of music to listen to and find limitless joy in. today's miracle find is whispering a prayer by steve vai. an absolute must-listen.

thoughts on speech

i start with the premise that what we think, speak, and do affects the lives of those around us - in perceptible and imperceptible ways. it is good to do no evil and speak no evil, that is, to not hurt or offend others by our speech and action, but the source of all our words and actions is our thoughts, our mind. if we can purify our mind, we purify our speech, and when we purify both, our action too is purified. to me, this goal of self-purification is a goal for daily living. indeed, everything else comes second.

talking is a difficult beast to conquer, in some ways. we've been talking all our lives, and god knows, we've been talking meaninglessly, destructively even, much of this time. i am certain i have. a while ago, i had posted gibran's words on talking and my own views on the practice of email. sometime ago, i read a quote by someone about the three gates we should pass our speech through, before it leaves us and enters the external physical world - "is it true?", "is it kind?", and "is it necessary?". he also added that while the first two are absolutely essential, the third may be by-passed for the sake of company/conversation :).

having said that, i return to the topic of my previous post - boring-ness. to clarify what i meant, in the first place - i find that i indulge in a lot less talking (in general) than before. there doesn't seem to be very much that i *have* to say, most times. when the desire is to touch base with someone, meet them for coffee and dinner, i find it far more fulfilling to hear them talk themselves out. negative speech has been out the window for a while, and i find myself unresponsive to negativity that is not constructive. responding negatively to destructive negativity (if even just within) is also undesirable, and calm indifference and compassion appear to be the only solution. arguing incessantly because i firmly believe in a point of view seems rather pointless. the ego (thus fed) is best laid to rest. overall, i end up talking less and about fewer topics, but feeling most of what i say (out of desire for mindful speech). the change is markedly positive for me, i am convinced. from an audience standpoint though, i wonder. am i less 'interesting' than i used to be?

the comments (both bb's and nikhil's) were thought-provoking, and i do believe that societal norms play their role in deciding what we consider 'interesting'. as i try to integrate new ways of thinking into my speech, and try to eliminate negativity from it, i feel it is enough to do all it takes for the inner lamp to glow. 'interesting' or not, the light will find its way to souls that will receive. and can speech serve a larger purpose than allowing a channel for this light to travel?

boring?

a realization dawns - i seem to be on steady progress toward boredom. not my own boredom, by any means, (because life, as i see it, is too fulfilling to ever be boring) but the boredom of others. i am barely able to carry on an interesting conversation anymore, i cannot find reason in sticking to one stand in an argument, i'm less inclined to harbor any preferences (let alone state them), and most things i used to say earlier feel either unnecessary or just rather mindless. no part of me wishes to claim that i was a most interesting person to begin with :), but it is all relative after all, is it not? anyway, boring-ness may be an unfortunate (if that) side-effect of an otherwise wholly positive growth process, and i shall live with it.

the colors of life

tuesdays are usually busy, and though i had three classes today, with little time to myself, this tuesday was enjoyable. in the afternoon, i took a 30-minute break to walk to nefeli and buy myself a coffee. it is a recent and sweet discovery that having coffee with oneself is a delightful feeling and creates just the right atmosphere for introspection/analysis/reflection. the walk along memorial glade is ever peaceful, and every view of the campanile appears equally breath-taking.

in my user interface design class today, bill buxton gave a guest lecture. it was mind-blowingly good. the focus of the talk may have been design, but really it was what you wanted it to be, and you could take from it what you wanted to take. i wrote down some of his lines that struck me:

design is like swiss cheese. you have to leave enough holes for the imagination.

no matter how great you are, you can screw up royally.

"snap out of it" - every time you fall into that self-pitying place, look at it and snap out of it. every time some stupid business manager doesn't know what you're designing, shut the hell up and go do your bloody homework - it's your fault.

the best way to break down people barriers - sit down and ask them about themselves. you need to know every person in the social network who plays a role in your success. if you get this, and you want to change the world - it's a compromise. but if it means you can be successful and communicate, that's what it's about. and it beats being frustrated and going home and getting drunk.

i liked him a lot. not only because he talked so much sense, but because he exuded peace and calm with every word, no matter which it was. these are the kind of people i am most drawn to, i realize. so at the ischool tea, i found myself with enough guts to walk up to him and tell him how inspiring i had found his talk. to my limitless joy, he extended the conversation long enough to give me his personal opinion on my research area, and to offer me his advice if ever i needed it. his eyes were astonishingly clear and filled with honesty, reminding me of my brief encounter with ustad fahimuddin dagar almost 2 years ago. it is the ever-attractive look of having figured out life.

socializing at the tea felt like a big deal, because i was genuinely and deeply pleased to see the ischool crowd - professors and students alike. at 6, i headed to the vedanta society for an hour of meditation, and it brought much peace. the walk back on haste st. was uninterrupted and pleasant. it had stopped raining for the duration that i walked.

after an unusually productive evening at home, i now lie in bed listening to the sounds of the falling rain outside. what makes this sound so very moving, i wonder...

and after a long and eventful day, i realized something special. that when it is sunny, i look forward to the bright sunlight that will hit me as soon as i open the door to my apartment. when it rains, i look forward to the smell of the rain and the crisp green-ness of the world. when i walk up familiar paths, i enjoy the familiarity. when i walk up a new path, i love discovering the newness of it. you get the picture perhaps. a day full of classes gives me several classes to look forward to, while a day without classes gives me freedom to look forward to. the walk back home is always pleasant as well, and while being out after school brings me a great new experience every time, coming back home also always brings comfort. in short, every moment becomes a blessing - to appreciate, to be grateful for. the colors of life are ever so vibrant, should one only choose to observe.

the berkeley vedanta society

the berkeley vedanta society is on 2455 bowditch - 3 blocks away from school. i went there last evening, to avail of the 6-7pm open hour for meditation. since this was my first time, i was let in by the swamiji who resides there. he also showed me around briefly, then let me be. the place is well-maintained, and has a grand appeal. the meditation room there is large, warm, and peaceful. it is perhaps a multi-purpose room where they also have regular discourses.

the peace and calm that comes from meditation is addictive. as i struggled with decision-making yesterday, a friend reminded me that any restlessness i felt was within the mind, not external. i used to know that, but how easy it is to forget when the mind plays truant. abandoning all other thought processes, i strove to slow down the mind, and sure enough - peace had regained its coveted spot. after spending almost an hour there, i was picked up by a friend i was to eat dinner with. he said i seemed intoxicated (read calm) the entire evening. the effects of meditation, no doubt. the world becomes purer everyday. after all, it is but a projection of what lies within.

insightfully yours

i have a friend with phenomenal instinctual power, or perhaps it is maturity, or both. when i saw him a few days ago, conversation entered several varied realms, leaving me with insightful thoughts to cogitate over for days, if not weeks to follow. one of his comments was, "instead of focusing on a different virtue every month, make courage your virtue for six months. all the other virtues will follow." conversation went into change and how one may identify change within - by proof of correctness or by test verification :). (no points for guessing my modus operandi.)

at the end of our meeting, he said something that made me ask why he wouldn't encourage me instead (to walk on the path i have laid out for myself), and he said, "in fact, i should discourage you. so that you find yourself on this path only if you are really driven toward it." how true, and how very inspiring. one benefits from all kinds of friends in this world - those who encourage, and those who discourage thus; those who hold us close, and those who push us out into the fray to fight the wild dogs and come out iron-strong. our lives are the richer for them all. and so i am grateful.

random acts of kindness week

everyone, my zen calendar proclaims this to be the week for random acts of kindness. i've signed up a few of you, and would love to encourage you all to make this your week for performing random acts of kindness. i won't define these, i trust you know what they are. signing up entails commitment to doing at least one (and possibly more) such acts every day of this week. i'd love to hear of your acts, but if not, i'll be happy enough if you do them at all :).

all the best!

a photo

a photo -
a flash,
a slice of life,
a frame, ripped out -
no before,
nor after.

it is
in itself
complete.

reality check

sometimes, really, i just don't know....

a friend just sent me this article. i wasn't expecting an uplifting read, but as i went through the lines, i found myself fill with sorrow and disgust at the plight of so many billions out there. what did i do to deserve the life i lead, the people around me, the comfort and luxury? why do these billions suffer so? is karma enough to explain everything away? is it really?

and i know i ask these questions from time to time (even on this blog), but really - why am i not grateful beyond belief and therefore ridiculously happy to be where i am? why?

abou ben adhem

Abou Ben Adhem was one of my favorite people, growing up. If you haven't had the pleasure of acquaintance with him yet, here you go:

Abou Ben Adhem (may his tribe increase!)
Awoke one night from a deep dream of peace,
And saw, within the moonlight in his room,
Making it rich, and like a lily in bloom,
An Angel writing in a book of gold:

Exceeding peace had made Ben Adhem bold,
And to the Presence in the room he said,
"What writest thou?" The Vision raised its head,
And with a look made of all sweet accord
Answered, "The names of those who love the Lord."

"And is mine one?" said Abou. "Nay, not so,"
Replied the Angel. Abou spoke more low,
But cheerily still; and said, "I pray thee, then,
Write me as one who loves his fellow men."

The Angel wrote, and vanished. The next night
It came again with a great wakening light,
And showed the names whom love of God had blessed,
And, lo! Ben Adhem's name led all the rest!
-- James Leigh Hunt

on saying yes

i'd like also to record this lesson that i'm learning every day. i do not know why it is, or if it is a coincidence, or perhaps indeed a miracle, but most things i'd have offered resistance to before, i now actively embrace. no, that is not the miracle (though it is something). the miracle is that each time i have done so - every single time - the experience has been memorably rewarding. the world renders itself anew as i discover an infinitude of possibilities. there is so much more to see all of a sudden, so much to explore and appreciate, indeed to witness divinity in. and it illuminates without fail.

what does it take? no more than saying yes where one is wont to say no. sometimes, just one 'yes' can draw us into a world that is new and fulfilling. five 'no's transformed to 'yes' on a daily basis, and soon enough, you're a changed person altogether!

always look...

on the bright side of life...
[tum too-doo to-do to-do to-doo]

i am always embarrassingly behind much of the world in movie-watching. am still to see slumdog, but that's a different story. today, i saw as good as it gets. was always under the impression that i had seen it already, but either i had made up that memory, or i must have seen all of five scenes. as i rediscovered the movie today, i loved how well jack nicholson did his role (as did the others, for that matter). the song "always look on the bright side of life" definitely lifts the spirits (not that mine were down by any measure, to begin with), and the screenplay is brilliant.

also, the movie has one line in particular that really moved me. in this fancy restaurant, as melvin (jack) eats with carol (helen), he insults her dress. infuriated, carol demands that he pay her a compliment right then. he does, and what a compliment it is! he says, "you make me want to be a better man." carol concedes that it's the best compliment she's ever received.

of course, then there's the part where this girl asks melvin, "how do you write women so well?" and he says, "i think of a man, and i take away reason and accountability." not so moving :).

but the first... it's one of those lines that strike you and ignite a spark of immeasurable gratitude within. what a blessing it is to have such an inspiration in one's life. be it a parent, a friend, a child, a significant other, or even just a distant role-model, i'd like to send out a prayer that each of us is blessed with such a presence in our lives. that each of us may "want to become a better person" as a result. and for those of us who are so blessed, i pray that we are duly grateful.

and come to think of it, recognizing that presence isn't the hard part at all. all one needs is a little bit of love. that is all.

through the clouds

the sun doth shine... bringing with it rays of hope and belief. after a refreshingly cloudy morning, the beauty of this world is much enhanced. i carried the prayer of abandonment in my heart today and it undoubtedly helped to make the first half of the day blissful (no doubt it will work its magic on the rest as well).

the day started with two fruitful meetings in the department (that i was able to contribute not so negligibly in for a change), after which i attended a fantastic "fridays at noon" concert at hertz hall (mentioned a couple posts ago). tony lin performed three pieces, the chopin piece sounding best (to my ignorant ears) and bringing me to wonder at the silence that follows that final note. that sound of silence truly was exquisite. lunch and conversation followed at the musical offering - an excellent cafe on bancroft. (note: i am off the fruit/nut diet now - i decided after 4 days that it wasn't for me _for now_, but i'm glad to have tried it!)

when i came home, i found in my email a link my sister had sent. my typical tendency to avoid clicking on links would have served me ill today, and there's a lesson, for in that obscure link, i found hidden, a deeply precious treasure - my favorite melody from when i was no more than 8 years old. click here, if you'd like to share in my elation. shortly after, a friend sent me one of his favorite melodies from when he was young. definitely more fun :).

a prayer for the day

my bff shared this prayer with me a long while ago, but because i had forgotten about it, she shared it with me again today. i find it gives limitless solace, and i share it with you now.

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you and I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.

And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road although I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death, I will not fear, for you are ever with me and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Thomas Merton

on simplicity

there is a chopin concert tomorrow afternoon that a friend just told me about. he's a big fan of chopin's nocturne in e flat major op. 9, no. 2. in fact, it's the top favorite of his itunes playlist :). i'm sure the concert tomorrow will be inspiring. for the moment, i am inspired by this quote of chopin's that was thoughtfully included in the invite:

"Simplicity is the final achievement. After one has played a vast quantity of notes and more notes, it is the simplicity that emerges as the crowning reward of art."

and so it is with life, is it not? at some point when we awaken, we find ourselves in an inextricable web of thoughts and more thoughts, like this vast quantity of notes and more notes, that we feel a need to emerge out of, to be able to take a high, very high, stand. living, after all, is an art as well, for those who opt to see it thus. as i strive for this simplicity in living (and struggle for the moment), these words strike a gentle chord within.

the other day in paramhansa yogananda's teachings, he talked about hitting a wall, when one found oneself disabled from making further progress. i wondered what it would feel like, and now experience it myself :(. but it is all part of the package i think. to endure in silence is the only way.

have a good day, all :).

on making hay

a dear friend wrote me an email today with a line that said, "make hay while the sun shines." the context in which she wrote it was especially thought-provoking, for she meant (as i understood) that in a period of change, one could/should make the most of one's changeability.

a powerful thought. it demonstrated the power of thought like no other, as i saw it. today was not a great day, and brought much discouragement for varied reasons. as i struggled to revert to my firmness and strength, i read this email that did the job in a flash. the last few months have indeed been a period of change, and truly i have found that when life is in a state of flux, one is at one's supple best. almost fluid. then no change, as long as it is desirable, need be resisted or doubted. it is a powerful time, indeed. for one need only will a change and it will happen. the deeper one is willing to plunge, the more one is rewarded. any pain is only transient.

the power goes deeper than a rational realization, in fact. as i read and realized the meaning of her words, i felt the energy within transform from despondency to gratitude. i felt blessed, almost immediately, to have this opportunity. for indeed the sun is shining. and more, my gut instinct was to hasten myself as well - for this blessing may not last forever.

and this leads me to a greater question, in turn. for what is good and what is bad? what is sadness and what is joy? if in misery lies my greatest strength and in joy my greatest inertia? it only makes sense then to 'see things as they are' (as my zen calendar says for february) and to immerse in deep gratitude (as a's calendar says to do).

photography is meditation

the other day at a's place, she showed me a book called intelligence beyond thought which had a chapter dedicated to photography, describing it as a meditative act. that fueled further thought, and then we discussed in class today how different photographers like to focus on different kinds of photo-taking.

it's interesting to think about different kinds of photos, and what they require of the photographer. for instance, when it comes to landscapes, one must have a feel for the 'big picture' - the angles, the lines, the large shapes, where the horizon fits, etc. and then with portraits, one tries to bring the best out in the subject - not necessarily a smile, but the right framing, the tilt, the look in the eyes, the skin tone, etc. the focus is entirely different. and then there are macro shots, such as those of flowers, where one attempts to bring out the color and texture, again the frame is important. for the documenter who needs to record a process, it is the content that's uber-important and everything else takes second place.

are not all these so very different? meditative at the same time though, for one may lose oneself entirely in that 2:3 frame.

and the olfactory

earlier today, i blogged about my controlled diet for this week. at various points through this day, i realized that it not only entailed controlling the taste buds that craved regular, wholesome meals, but also the olfactory sense. berkeley brims with eateries, and as i walked through the streets yesterday and today, my nose became considerably more sensitive to the aromas that wafted their way in. this seems to take more self-restraint than i thought, but as tends to happen, it seems to build greater self-restraint as well.

the gustatory sense

when i worked at microsoft, i was amazed by my co-worker - a pleasant bulgarian - who would eat mostly fruit and nuts, and sometimes vegetables. in those days, it was amazing enough to have a vegetarian on the team :), but i would marvel at the immense control that had become second nature to him. they say that (if you believe) everything that happens to us happens for a reason, and that everyone who comes our way does so for a reason. no doubt this is true. and today, i find myself thinking of my ex-co-worker (are the hyphens right?) as i find myself on much the same diet.

the wise have stressed often the importance of eating 'right', though in different ways. while in india, i made a conscious decision to eat everything. and indeed, when one starts seeing things 'as they are', then dislike for particular kinds of food becomes a rather strange/illogical sensation that it only makes sense to eliminate. now that i am back in my own apartment, doing groceries for myself, i make an effort to follow the advice of the wise and wholly engulf(?) myself in fruits and nuts. following the 'middle way', i am still consuming one 'old-fashioned' meal per day.

i should add - this is not a 'forever' experiment, but is intended to last long enough for me to observe the difference it makes to the system and, more importantly, the mind.

hello, world!

and what a brand new world you are! as soon as i stepped into you, you embraced me with warm and sunny skies and the warmer, sunnier love of so many wonderful people. thank you, really, from the heart. all has been perfect (minus vehicular complaints which shall resolve shortly, yes?) and i now lay me down in peace and gratitude.

p.s. i love you :).