Upper Case
I think I might just go back to using upper case in my sentences. The realization finally dawned that it allows greater power to express. And depending on the font, it can actually look almost acceptable. Change is good, at any rate.
5/29/08
5/28/08
the first choice regal exercise book
when mom came from india this time, she brought one of my music notebooks with her (this one dates back to '94). it is now in tatters, almost, but without loss of information. looking through it, i realized i had learned quite a bit that i will never recall. raga bhimpalasi, jaunpuri, asavari, bhairavi, vrindavani sarang, and so on... the list is a lot longer than i could have remembered. what a pity.
what a pity... why is it that things change so in value, as we trudge along?! it is always a pity, i find. when the world of opportunities is open to us, we prefer to be closed within ourselves, comfortably ensconced in our smug little frog-in-well attitudes. when we find that the time will never return, we hold our heads in sadness. perhaps another way of looking at things though is this - i am not unhappy with the life i had lived. when i wasn't paying better attention to noting down the music i was learning, i was probably making time to do something i am not sorry for having done. so in the end, perhaps, it all worked itself out.
but i can still complain about it :P
what a pity... why is it that things change so in value, as we trudge along?! it is always a pity, i find. when the world of opportunities is open to us, we prefer to be closed within ourselves, comfortably ensconced in our smug little frog-in-well attitudes. when we find that the time will never return, we hold our heads in sadness. perhaps another way of looking at things though is this - i am not unhappy with the life i had lived. when i wasn't paying better attention to noting down the music i was learning, i was probably making time to do something i am not sorry for having done. so in the end, perhaps, it all worked itself out.
but i can still complain about it :P
5/21/08
tired
is it time for a change? should i switch over to wordpress? typepad? another blogging world altogether?
when one journal fills up, one can start another. there are no expectations of conforming to the norm that was. one can be a whole new person with a whole new journal. the endlessness of a blog then is so darn confining. i want a new blog so i can be someone else now.
clearly i seem to be facing an identity crisis of some sort. is it senioritis? these days, everything that bothers seems like a symptom of senioritis. even though i'm not a senior. and when i was one, i didn't know what senioritis was so i could brag about it.
right place. wrong time.
when one journal fills up, one can start another. there are no expectations of conforming to the norm that was. one can be a whole new person with a whole new journal. the endlessness of a blog then is so darn confining. i want a new blog so i can be someone else now.
clearly i seem to be facing an identity crisis of some sort. is it senioritis? these days, everything that bothers seems like a symptom of senioritis. even though i'm not a senior. and when i was one, i didn't know what senioritis was so i could brag about it.
right place. wrong time.
the audience, at large?
am thinking about privacy issues. if i ask myself "who do i blog for?", i find that the most accurate answer is "myself". it's true that, in the end, the purpose of this blog is for me to be in touch with my thought processes, my journey as an individual in this ever-changing world (cliche!). but somewhere in the middle, this blog also ends up sharing this very journey with others. who should these "others" be? close friends, certainly. strangers? perhaps. mere acquaintances? i do not know. is there even an answer? and what is the question, exactly?
i started with keeping this blog anonymous, and it continues to be, but perhaps only out of inertia. people around me who read this blog will ascertain who i am, for sure. at some point, the blog also had access by invitation only. but i changed that after it began to interfere with rss feeds for the invitees :). now i wonder if i should make it more transparent. am i embarrassed to be associated with these writings? i don't think so. or at least, i hope not :). there isn't anything all that incriminating either, though had i still been working and my co-workers had realized how eager i was to get out, that may not have been so great. quantities of cheese are also fairly under control here. perhaps, then, it is ok?
ldt has taught me to think about the target audience - for every project - even while i sleep.
i started with keeping this blog anonymous, and it continues to be, but perhaps only out of inertia. people around me who read this blog will ascertain who i am, for sure. at some point, the blog also had access by invitation only. but i changed that after it began to interfere with rss feeds for the invitees :). now i wonder if i should make it more transparent. am i embarrassed to be associated with these writings? i don't think so. or at least, i hope not :). there isn't anything all that incriminating either, though had i still been working and my co-workers had realized how eager i was to get out, that may not have been so great. quantities of cheese are also fairly under control here. perhaps, then, it is ok?
ldt has taught me to think about the target audience - for every project - even while i sleep.
d for dilemma
it will soon be 3 years that i have been part of dhwani. and while it has certainly been a joyride thus far, i find it has me constantly struggling to firm my stance on the ideal state of affairs - for us as a group. whether to meet twice a week or just once, whether to give everyone a chance to sing or to completely disallow a compromise on quality, to perform or not to perform, and so on. it is constantly a challenge to be fair and unjudgmental, to be unbiased - on all counts, to be unemotionally dedicated. a character-building experience, no doubt, as i struggle to find harmony among my thoughts.
5/20/08
thank god for the smallness ...
yesterday, as i navigated to m's facebook profile to send her a message, i found that she and nk were friends (on m's mini-feed). while i wasn't sure if this was the same nk who had been my best friend back in third grade, i needed to find out. sent first m and then n a message, and heard back from n today. indeed it is the very same nk! in a's words, what a blast from the past!
n and i lived a walk away from each other, and were in the same class (and section) at school. more than anything, i remember her bangs oh, so clearly! she had one of those hair-dos that would remind you of the heroines from the 70s :). we used to visit each other occasionally, and i remember that her baby sister was one of the first little infants i had seen so closely. she also had the most beautiful name - naintara. i also remember that once when naintara was playing with us and i was trying to help her stand on her feet, n said to me - "no, don't do that. if you try to make her stand on her feet before she's ready, her feet will curl up and she'll never be able to walk." those words rang in my head for years after, even as i watched my own niece and nephew grow :).
after third grade, we (my family and i) moved to jaipur. n wasn't a great writer back then :), and we barely kept in touch. i do remember that i happened to be in delhi for her birthday (somehow) and attended her birthday party (i even recall what i wore!). but that was the last time we met. i remember receiving a letter from her saying they were to move to hyderabad and that she would send me her address once she reached. but by the time she was in hyderabad, i was back in delhi and then we had no means of getting back in touch.
that unfortunate turn of events affected me for a while - as i recall. that we had no means of getting in touch with other, if we wanted, was the first time i sensed the loss of a person from my life. i was 10, and the "oh, man!"-ness of it really bothered me. and now that i'm older and wiser, these things bother me just the same. but perhaps there will always be a facebook to come to the rescue ...
n and i lived a walk away from each other, and were in the same class (and section) at school. more than anything, i remember her bangs oh, so clearly! she had one of those hair-dos that would remind you of the heroines from the 70s :). we used to visit each other occasionally, and i remember that her baby sister was one of the first little infants i had seen so closely. she also had the most beautiful name - naintara. i also remember that once when naintara was playing with us and i was trying to help her stand on her feet, n said to me - "no, don't do that. if you try to make her stand on her feet before she's ready, her feet will curl up and she'll never be able to walk." those words rang in my head for years after, even as i watched my own niece and nephew grow :).
after third grade, we (my family and i) moved to jaipur. n wasn't a great writer back then :), and we barely kept in touch. i do remember that i happened to be in delhi for her birthday (somehow) and attended her birthday party (i even recall what i wore!). but that was the last time we met. i remember receiving a letter from her saying they were to move to hyderabad and that she would send me her address once she reached. but by the time she was in hyderabad, i was back in delhi and then we had no means of getting back in touch.
that unfortunate turn of events affected me for a while - as i recall. that we had no means of getting in touch with other, if we wanted, was the first time i sensed the loss of a person from my life. i was 10, and the "oh, man!"-ness of it really bothered me. and now that i'm older and wiser, these things bother me just the same. but perhaps there will always be a facebook to come to the rescue ...
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