ultimately...

isn't everyone first a human being?

"determination." uff!

for all those of you looking for inspiration, here's some :).

just kidding. i chanced upon this photo unsuspectingly and laughed at how easy it is to glorify things sometimes. but then again, i guess, if everyone else thought of us as we think of ourselves, life would be very boring indeed. and very very unfair.

i'm happier this way. determination it is, nikhil!

:)


nb: including links in blog entries is an exciting phenomenon i only just learnt. give me a few more such posts and i'll be over it.

denial

this is not a monday. in fact, this is a wednesday. not only, it is a superior wednesday, with 4 days of holiday once friday arrives.

therefore, no monday blues. ha!

fall

here's fall on freefalling.

i find nothing more photographable than fall colors. i wasn't able to venture out far, but thought i'd at least capture a taste of fall this year. maybe i'll get another chance, but for today, i am suitably satisfied.

last year, when i was suddenly overcome by a sketching craze (it was over so soon it's not funny) , i decided i'd make a project on fall. just fall. a sketch, a portfolio of photos, and a poem. i'm yet to start on the first, and the last could hardly be much of an effort ;), but i'm glad my camera knows what fall looks like. if just a little teeny bit.

i want to be in maine next october when it's hit by fall. i want to see the orange in all its splendor. this is my dream every year that awaits fulfilment. i still remember when i first saw maple leaves, back on the 20th of october 1996, and what a magical experience that was. i don't think there's a side of nature that pleases me more.

anyway, so that's about me and fall.

hand in hand

i was bedridden all of last week for my back. yet it is a week i will revisit again and again in my thoughts. the pain, though intolerable then, could be lived through again if it meant reliving the love and care i have been subject to last week. i've never felt so well tended to, and i thought i always had friends i could boast to the skies of. i always thought i was capable of being a giving, caring friend, but am much humbled from what i have seen in these few days. i don't know if i could be so selfless, so large-hearted, and hold so little back. i do not wish for an opportunity to test myself, of course, but given that i've had the fortune to experience these things first-hand, i pray that i have the ability to give back (to these people and to others) when it's my turn.

happiness and pain go hand in hand, i guess. but i'm ok with that, for now.

more on caring

i've decided that there are different kinds of caring people. 3 is a good number to list. um, actually i'll granulate it further to 4 -

first, there are the people who don't care at all. there is little to be said about them. what can one say anyway?

second, the people who do believe it is better to care than to not, but cannot quite get themselves to. so they do a half-baked job of expressing concern, revealing their true tendencies from time to time. i appreciate the gesture though.

then there's the third kind - the "if you need anything, call me" kind. i like to have them around. if i need something, at least i have their word for it. so if i do call them when i need anything, they will (hopefully) not hate me for taking their time. but sometimes i'm not sure. the concern is often genuine, but it is always distant. i personally don't do so well with distant care-givers, some others might. i do however appreciate their presence in my life.

the kind that gladdens my heart through and through though, is the fourth kind. that i didn't know existed until not too long ago. these are the people who care more closely. they empathize, they just know what you need, when and where. they want to really be right there. to care unconditionally, want little in return. their satisfaction simply comes from knowing that they were able to help ease things for you in some small way, they do not crave appreciation and gratitude. pure, unadulterated, selfless giving is all they know. the way i see it - these are the people who run a thread in their head for you and serve it at frequent intervals. they never let you fall off their radar. i love this kind, my days are much brightened for it.

i am still alive

therefore i must be wonderwoman!

anti-depressants

i'm about to go on anti-depressants, don't worry.




just kiddddding! :))

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

i used to hear a lot of this while i was training for my marathon. i guess i need to convert lessons learnt in marathon training to lessons to be learnt in life. although ideally it should be the other way round, should it not?

on the same note, calvin's dad also comes to mind - what doesn't kill you builds character.

when someone asks me, next, what i've been up to, this will be my answer - working hard on becoming stronger and building character (and not dying in the process) :).